Why You Don’t Have To Be an Extrovert To Be Brave

July 31, 2015September 16, 2017 ~ alicia.ruth.yoder ~ 9 Comments

I was in 8^th grade, and our family had just moved to a new state. In the past, my gym experience had consisted of making sure the teachers knew I was trying, and not looking too relieved when I got hit with the dodgeball and could sit on the sidelines.

In most team sports, I could run around and still become translucent enough for the other kids to forget to pass me the ball.

But this new school implemented a torture program called skills tests. The teacher would grab her clipboard and check our names off if we bumped the volleyball in the air 100 times in a row. (Okay, maybe it was only 10 times).

I had enough coordination to play a Mozart Minuet on my violin, but could not, for the life of me, get that volleyball to return to my clutched hands when I bumped it into the air.

The other kids stood around watching me (or maybe they’d already started to head to the locker room to change), and there I was, chasing after my renegade volleyball with the gym teacher telling me to try again.

I concluded that I’d be able to save myself a lot of pain and embarrassment if I avoided these situations as much as possible. Since my parents wouldn’t let me homeschool gym class, I had to continue risking my GPA and dignity.

But there were plenty of other chances I could put my theory to work.

The youth group was getting together to play soccer? Offer to take pictures instead.

The summer camp was doing a relay involving shaving cream and wet thrift store clothes?
Find some other girls who wanted to be cheerleaders on the sidelines with me. (And who were also equally disgusted with the idea of jumping in a mud pit for fun)

It seemed to work fairly well, pretending everyone else was on some reality show that I couldn’t join even if I’d tried. (I’d even whisper jokes into my friend’s ear sometimes, because I knew she’d be brave enough to say them out loud and make people laugh.)

But soon these ideas bled into almost all of my relationships and thoughts.

Introduce myself to the new kid at church? What if I don’t know what to say?

Speak up in Sunday School class? I’ll probably stumble over my words, and people will be wishing the whole time that I’d be quiet so someone more capable could vibrate their vocal cords.

Play my violin on the youth worship team? Worship teams don’t have violins, and I might ruin the song with wrong notes.

Pray out loud with someone? What if I get so nervous I say something heretical or there is a long five-second silence?

Over the years, Jesus has used mentors, friends, and His Word to open my fist enough for some of the fears to slip away.

Here are three things I learned (and am learning) in the process:

1. It takes practice.
Once I started introducing myself to a few people, it became less finger-numbing and sweaty. I found myself asking similar questions to find out about their lives.

I’d steal my husband’s question and ask what they did for fun. I’d volunteer some information about myself and my interests. Each time it got a little easier, (with a few awkward moments still sprinkled in there to keep me on my toes).

When I’d make a comment in a class, sometimes no one would grab onto it as I silently reeled in my empty fishing line of thoughts. I’d go home and replay the scenes in my head, wishing I’d said something different. Sometimes, I’d ask for Jesus’ help to not think about it anymore.

He caused me to realize that before I started contributing my thoughts, I would always wish I’d been brave enough to say something.

One summer in high school, I shared with my camp counselor about being afraid to speak up. She challenged me to think about what I would be selfishly keeping from the Body of Christ by not sharing the insight I’d learned.

When I was finally brave enough to join the worship team, I got to use the classical musical knowledge I had gained in a new way, adding harmonies to the guitar chords like sprinkles on a cup cake. And I even made some friends in the process.

Praying out loud became easier when I “practiced” praying in my private devotions, asking myself what I really wanted God to do in people’s lives, how I wanted them to feel His grace and love in their pain, and look to Him when they were struggling. (An exciting added dimension in this stage of life has been praying with someone while keeping an eye on my toddler who likes to soak himself at the drinking fountain.)

2. It takes focusing more on the other person than on myself.
Sometimes, if someone asks me a question in front of a group, I feel like I have a personal court stenographer who’s going to write down everything I say and read it back so everyone can laugh at how un-eloquent I am.

But when those fears threaten to tie a gag around my mouth, I have to remember where my identity comes from. It’s not about what I say and do. It’s about finding my confidence in Christ’s finished work on the cross.

Only when I know my identity is secure can I invite others to delight in Him as well. I can risk some awkward silences and miscommunications.

If it’s more about showing others God’s glory than looking good ourselves, it doesn’t really matter whether we could have been more witty or intellectual-sounding.

In fact, maybe our fancy words would have just gotten in the way, like trying to convince someone how delicious a souffle is before letting them taste it for themselves.

3. It takes grace. Lots of it.
It’s not easy to admit to being wrong or have someone disagree with me. It’s scary to feel misunderstood. But I’m reminded that I’m not alone when I read the gospels and see how many people disagreed with and misunderstood Jesus, who was perfect. It might not be me they are rejecting.

And when I do say something I wish I hadn’t, I can always ask for forgiveness and accept the grace Jesus offers every second of every day.

Sometimes I still like to just listen and observe. I don’t want to try to become an extrovert. But I also don’t want to miss the chances that God wants to love someone through me.

Jesus, show us how to bravely love like you this week. We are yours.

The Danger of Wanting to See Results

July 10, 2015September 16, 2017 ~ alicia.ruth.yoder ~ 16 Comments

One summer in high school, I noticed a billboard on my way to work that said, “We took immediately and made it faster.”

We live in a culture of microwaved food, vitamin supplements, and exercise programs promising to burn our fat faster.

You want to grow your hair faster? There’s a shampoo for that.

Now that my son is a toddler, he loves to run as fast as he can (not usually paying attention to obstacles obstructing his path).

Why would we want to do anything slowly if we can get a similar result faster?

Growing up, I measured my nine-month schoolyears by twice a year report cards.

I went on short-term mission trips.

Getting married was one of my first decisions where I couldn’t picture the end.

When I got pregnant with Isaiah, we waited the designated nine months to meet him, and then he was here.

For good.

There was no putting him back where he came from.

There would be no days off unless they were carefully arranged.

For the first months of his life, he would even receive all his sustenance from me.

No Test to Ace
I realized that in motherhood there were no periodic evaluations, final exams, or times specifically devoted to reflecting on my performance.

It was just . . . doing life.

No one was telling me if I did a bad job.

When we felt the Lord redirecting us from the goal of moving overseas (you can read more here), I spent time questioning my purpose.

What if I couldn’t see how God was choosing to use me?

What if He didn’t choose to use me at all?

My mentor Natalie reminded me that “Being used by God is a byproduct of my relationship with Him.”

My focus can’t be about achieving results, because . . .

God wants my heart.

If I use my performance or relationships with others to make me feel significant, I will always be disappointed in the end.

If my contentment in Jesus is based on how I can or cannot see Him using me, it will be easy to fall into the comparison trap (you can read more here).

Mothering Like Jesus
At the height of Jesus’ ministry, He often went to quiet places to be alone with His Father. He blessed children when He could have spent the time healing more people and seeing immediate results. (Mark 10:13-16)

Do I want my son to see a mom who is obsessed with evaluating performance?

What might he conclude about my love for him if that’s my highest concern?

Melissa Kruger, in her excellent biblestudy on Walking With God in the Season of Motherhood, wrote that our “hope is to have God impact our own lives in such a way that His imprint on our hearts makes a lasting impression on our children…. If we want peaceful, hopeful, kind, and compassionate children, it is essential that we grow in these graces ourselves. In the beauty of God’s design, He is in the process of parenting us as we parent our children.”

A Patient God
If we look at God’s plan of redemption, we are reminded again and again of His patience.

He is not in a hurry.

If He were, He wouldn’t have made Sarah barren for so many years.

He wouldn’t have put up with the Israelites flailing around in their sin and choosing to remember Him only when they were in trouble.

He wouldn’t have preserved a remnant when conquerors came, one after the other.

He wouldn’t have come to earth as a baby and then entrusted the message of the gospel to a small group of disciples.

If God were in a hurry, I’m pretty sure none of us would have had the chance to be born.

God wants us to abide in Him as grapes on His vine Jesus (John 15). He wants us to enjoy Him, ready to be squeezed into a precious bottle of wine when the time is right–so that if visible results do come, our first response won’t be to feel good about ourselves.

It will be to worship Him.

Here are seven snippets of truth my mentor Natalie shared with me for when I struggle to see results.

1. Submit your time table to God.

2. Remember that only Jesus brings true satisfaction.

3. Rejoice that His burden is light. (Matthew 11:30)

4. Realize that you don’t need to have all the answers at once. (He’s got it under control.)

5. Recognize that God’s kingdom almost always looks different from the world’s view of success.

6. Invite Him into every part of your life (even the boring diaper changes and laundry).

7. Ask God to help you rejoice in the beautiful works that are being done by others.

Will you ask Jesus to help you enjoy Him today?

When Your Weakness is Beautiful

July 3, 2015September 16, 2017 ~ alicia.ruth.yoder ~ 12 Comments

The pain crept in slowly, but by the time I laid my head on the pillow, I was nearly in tears. It wasn’t only the stiff throbbing that had settled again in my neck and shoulders.

It was the fear that I would be forced to go back in time and relive the ten years of daily chronic pain and thought patterns that accompanied it.

Christopher prayed for me, and the next day I felt so much better. But when the pain started to sneak back the following day, I was ready to start paying more attention to my limitations and take the physical, mental, and spiritual rest that I needed to find relief from the pain.

Why would God want to use someone so. . . weak?

In our culture, women are supposed to be able to do it all–hold a job, raise children, work out at the gym, cook and eat healthy meals (from their own garden), and still find time for relationships.

As believers, we don’t only want to keep our children alive, but we want to shepherd their hearts. We want to respect and bless our husbands. We want to serve as members of the Body of Christ. We want to engage with people on a heart level and pray for their needs.

If we were stronger and had more stamina, wouldn’t we be able to do more for God?

Boasting About Weakness
In 2 Corinthians 11:16-12:10, Paul talks about all the hardships he endured for the sake of the gospel. (think prison, floggings, stonings, and shipwrecks)

He could have gone around telling people how he’d stood strong in his suffering and was still doing the Lord’s work.

He could have told people that they should be able to do it all, too.

But in His infinite wisdom and love, God gave Paul a thorn in his flesh. He begged for God to take it away, but he received an answer better than healing.

He received a new perspective.

” But [God] said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (2 Corinthians 12:8)

When our strength, efficiency, and accomplishments are taken off like layers of a ball gown and we stand there shivering in our undergarments, there is still Someone who can never be removed because He lives inside of us.

The God who designed each galaxy and forms every one of the billions of cells in every person on the planet chose to send His Son to pay for our sins, so that He could dwell in us and do beautiful works through us.

After Job lost everything and was sitting in the dust, scraping at his sores, he said, “Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him .” (Job 13:15) By the end of the book, he knew the power of the God he served. “My ears had heard of you
but now my eyes have seen you.” (Job 42:5)

Maybe you were up all night with the baby, your husband came home from work discouraged, and when you finally sat down to read a novel, a friend called who needed encouragement.

Maybe you feel you have nothing left to give.

Or maybe it’s just a constant stream of daily tasks and responsibilities that seem manageable when you look at each day separately, but as the weeks go by, the water pressure keeps carving out a canyon in your heart.

The Shortest Prayer
If you look at God’s redemption story, woven from Genesis to Revelation, you can see that one of God’s deepest desires is for us to look to Him.

So when you don’t know what to say to yourself or others, try praying this: “Jesus.”

You can even whisper it if you’re in the middle of Walmart or holding a sleeping baby.

And then the Spirit may give you a few more words. Maybe just two: “Jesus, help!”

Maybe more.

When we let our Father take charge, we allow His power to work through us whenever He chooses. We don’t try to work ourselves to death trying to make it happen.

God used a barren woman to birth a nation.

God used a shy murderer to lead a people out of slavery in Egypt.

God used a teenage girl to raise the Messiah.

He didn’t have to use them. But when he did, there could be no doubt Who was doing the work.

So why does God bother to use humans at all?

Because He’s crazy about us. He created us in His image and calls us His children. (Romans 8)

Right now, Christopher and I are celebrating each new word Isaiah learns. We can’t stop laughing when he sees a toy and shouts, “Awesome!” or drops something in his bib and says, “Oh, shoot.”

Don’t you think the Father who knit our bones and muscles together might feel the same way about us?

As we spend time in His Word and in prayer (including the one word ones), He’ll show us what to spend our energy on. As we let Him into all our weak areas, He may not fill us with strength. But it may open the way for something better–a deeper intimacy with Him.

Are you in?

Why Women in the Church Can’t Be Cheerleaders on the Sidelines

June 26, 2015September 16, 2017 ~ alicia.ruth.yoder ~ 4 Comments

Did you know that during World War I, more American women died in childbirth than American men died on the battlefield?

Women’s healthcare improved dramatically the next year once women we able to vote, but the pain of Eve’s curse hasn’t gone away.

Every day I am reminded of my physical weakness as I go about my daily tasks. I tire easily. I can’t open jars. When extra things are jammed into my daily toddler-filled schedule, I can barely keep up.

Sometimes I wonder. . .

Why did God make us physically weaker than men?

Why would he want to use us in our hormone-charged limitations when there’s another gender out there that doesn’t ride out their emotions on a 28 day cycle?

Fight Like a Girl
I recently listened to a talk by Bible teacher Jen Wilkin, who explored biblically what it means to “fight like a girl,” (referring to the female empowerment campaign that ran during the Superbowl).

She asked, “Are women’s contributions to the church nice but not necessary?”

Why were women created in the first place?

In Genesis 2, God created Eve to be Adam’s helpmate and work together in the beauty of the Garden. It wasn’t good for him to be alone.

So what does it look like for women to be, as Jen puts it, “co-laborers in the fight, and not cheerleaders on the sidelines?”

In Exodus 1-2, the Hebrews living in Egypt had multiplied so much that Pharaoh started to get scared. He told the Hebrew midwives to kill all the baby boys that were born, but that they could keep the girls alive. Since the midwives feared God more than Pharaoh, they told him that the Hebrew women kept giving birth before they had a chance to get there.

How many baby boys were saved because of these women, eventually growing up and guiding their families across the Red Sea to freedom?

Moses’ mother hid him after he was born, and God used him to lead the people out of Egypt.

Pharaoh underestimated these women.

I’m grateful for our culture’s desire to value women.

But the beauty of womanhood is not in our ability to be equal to men.

God has gifted members in the Body of Christ differently, so that He can use us to touch all kinds of people.

Here are five ways God may want to use us because we are women:

1. Women are compassionate.

2. Women can empathize.

3. Women are brave. (Like a shepherdess who guards her sheep against a lion)

4. Women understand powerlessness better than men.

5. Women see needs that men may not see.

Men might unintentionally overlook widows, orphans, single moms and hurting children. They may not perceive when someone is living in fear.

They probably won’t ask:

Who might need to be nurtured?

Who might need someone to listen to their confusing flurry of emotions?

A Parable for the Gospel
Jen Wilkin shared that when a woman gets pregnant, she makes herself weak for a designated period of time, delivers another by the shedding of blood, is restored to her former strength, and lives to intercede for that new life.

Could there be a clearer physical parable for the gospel? (Check out Philippians 2:6-11)

“Women, you are not an afterthought. What you contribute to the mission of the church is not of secondary importance.” (Jen Wilkin)

Are you ready to give Him the chance?

Click here to listen to Jen Wilkin’s 35 minute talk (with more humor and insight than I can usually conjure up).

Jen also has an excellent article on her blog about women and the church entitled, “More Pressing Than Women Preachers.” Click here to check it out.

How to Thrive as a Transplanted Wife

June 12, 2015September 16, 2017 ~ alicia.ruth.yoder ~ 9 Comments

Christopher and I were on our own during our first two years, figuring out how to be newlyweds. I was finishing my last year of college, and then we both got teaching jobs for a year.

We tried to keep up with our families up in Delaware and North Dakota (and siblings scattered from Michigan to Africa), but our social network was made up of college friends and members of the Chinese church we attended.

When the school year ended, we decided to spend some time near Christopher’s family and community as we prepared to move overseas. A year later, we felt the Lord’s redirection from overseas ministry and had to decide where we would live.

I had enjoyed the past year of putting down some roots and getting to know Christopher’s family and community more. I’d never lived in one place more than seven years, so we decided to stay put.

It’s been almost three years now since moving here–good, hard, fun, exciting, vision-searching years. God has continued to lovingly draw me out of my comfort zone as I’ve begun to find my place here.

Here are a few things I’ve learned since being transplanted into my husband’s community:

1. Relationships take time.
When I was living in a college dorm, everyone had to actively make friends or have none. Friendships were measured by the semester, and I had to figure out who I was going to keep up with once graduation happened and everyone scattered across the world like confetti.

The ground felt much more solid when we moved to the same town where Christopher’s great-great grandparents had lived. I noticed that there wasn’t as much of a rush to deepen relationships as on the college campus. Interactions felt more like a slow cooker than a microwave.

I had to learn to relax in these new relationships and enjoy the seasoning process.

2. His family isn’t mine (and that’s okay).
I’m so grateful for my in-laws and the life perspective I get when I’m with them. It helps me understand my husband better and be more accepting of traditions and ways of doing things as we build up our own little family. (Things like adding seasoned salt to popcorn, singing before meals, and appreciating a well-told story.)

At Christmas, we spent some time with my family and Christopher said, “You’re like a totally different person with your family.” My counselor reminded me that I had a whole lot more shared experiences with my own family, and as I get to know my in-laws better, I’ll grow into my place there, too.

3. There’s nothing wrong with observing (or not knowing).
Sometimes when I was in a group setting, I worried about not contributing to the conversation. I feared they thought I was rude. I had to learn that it was okay to enjoy breathing the same air and just listen.

And when stories were told from “before my time,” I could appreciate the history of the place I’m living.

4. I have the unique opportunity to enjoy and bless other transplanted wives.
I’ve found that there can be a certain camaraderie between other transplanted wives if we are only brave enough to share our experiences with each other. And what a relief to know I’m not the only one who doesn’t know how everyone is related.

It’s also a good excuse to be the one to welcome someone who is even newer to the community than me. We can even relate to missionaries who are coming back to the States and finding their place in the culture and community again.

5. My friends aren’t all my husband’s friends.
Shortly after we moved here, I started a women’s prayer group at my house. I made additional friendships through church and other mutual friends.

When I had a baby, I got to know women who had already been wiping up sticky floors for a few years. Christopher got connected with friends who play music and enjoy board games.

It’s been a blessing to feel the freedom to pursue friendships individually and as a couple.

6. I can enjoy new ministry pursuits.
When I lived in North Dakota in high school, I regularly played on a worship team at church. In South Carolina, I taught 3-5th grade Sunday School for three years. When I moved here, I was able to start fresh and ask God where I would best fit at this stage in my life.

7. Being bold brings blessing. (Do you like that alliteration?)
I’ve need this pep talk regularly. When I’ve quit worrying about how I’m being perceived and shared my own life and struggles with others, it’s opened up the way for others to do the same. It doesn’t matter that we didn’t sit next to each other in kindergarten or that we didn’t graduate from the same high school. Maybe we can’t laugh over shared memories yet, but we can enjoy life right now and listen to each others’ histories.

So if you’re a transplanted wife, know that there are others in the same canoe. We might just be too shy to say anything yet.

On the other hand, if you’ve been planted in the area your whole life, we can’t wait to get to know you, too, (and hear some embarrassing stories about our husbands.)

What have you learned as a transplanted wife?

5 Ways to Pray With Hope

May 22, 2015September 16, 2017 ~ alicia.ruth.yoder ~ 7 Comments

Do you ever feel like you’re praying on autopilot?

I try to pray with my son before his nap each afternoon. Often it sounds something like this: “Dear Jesus, please give Isaiah a good rest, so that he can wake up refreshed, (so he won’t be fussy and I can get lots of stuff done).”

One afternoon at the end of my prayer, as I left my son to continue playing with his toy smartphone in his crib, I felt God asking me what else I wanted Him to do in my son’s life.

Henri Nouwen, in his book, With Open Hands, says, “The prayer of little faith makes us cling to the concrete circumstances of the present situation in order to win a certain security. . . wishes which beg for immediate fulfillment.”

Sometimes, my days alternate between feeling sorry for myself (when there’s a huge pile of dishes to be washed, child throwing a tantrum, or my efficiency plans get tossed in the trash) and feeling sorry for others (when my brain stops long enough to realizes there are other people around me and around the world who are going through unimaginable hardships).

When I pray, I want to see God act. “Help the people affected by the earthquake in Nepal. Let things go smoothly with my friend’s delivery. Heal my mom’s foot pain.”

Praying With Hope
But what if God doesn’t seem to be answering? Part of living a life of faith involves praying with hope.

Nouwen says, “If you pray with hope, all those concrete requests are ways of expressing your unlimited trust in God, who fulfills all promises, who holds out for you nothing but good, and who wants to share goodness and love with you.”

He goes on to say that “Our numerous requests simply become the concrete way of saying that we trust in the fullness of God’s goodness. . . expressing an unlimited faith in the giver of all good things” (p. 46).

So how do we pray with that kind of hope? Dictionary.com uses words like believe, desire, trust and rely when defining the word hope.

Hope and faith go hand in hand. Hebrews 11:1 says that “faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”

According to Nouwen, “Hope includes an openness where you wait for the promise to be delivered., even though you never know when, where or how this might happen” (p. 43)

It’s easy to hope in things we feel are under our control–our home, children, work, even the reliability of our car. These securities can cause us to forget the One who is in charge of it all. When the roadblocks do come and our feelings of control are shattered, our loving Father is always there with His arms out to welcome us back to His peace.

When we practice praying with hope in God, the roadblocks we encounter can draw us into even deeper intimacy with Him.

One way God has guided me in prayers of hope is through focusing on what He’s already started doing in the world. Here are five areas we can pray with Him.

1. For unbelievers to know Him.
Tragedies occur every second of every day. Natural disasters and evil people make others suffer and die. We live in a broken, sin-stained world. But since the beginning of time, God’s desire has been for people to know Him. As we pray for deliverance, comfort and relief for those in pain, we can also pray that through it people would know Jesus. We can even pray for terrorists, dictators, and murderers to be brought to their knees in surrender to Christ.

2. For people to remember Him.
We are forgetful people, and pain can shock us into remembering who is really important. I don’t need to pray for my son’s life to be hard. It will be. But I can ask that God would use his hardships to draw him closer to Jesus.

Some of my friends have recently had babies. I’ve prayed that the babies would sleep well at night and cry less. I’ve prayed for healing in the mothers and protection from depression. But nothing can prevent it from being a hard season, so I can also pray that in all the difficult moments, these moms would feel God’s presence with them. I can pray that as their babies need them constantly, they would be reminded of their need for Jesus.

3. For daily communion with Him.
Many times we can’t relieve people’s struggles. It’s impossible for life to be easy for my friends living overseas. Language, cultural blunders, and going from shop to shop just trying to find floss is exhausting. I pray for deliverance from their current struggles. But I can also pray that through the challenges, they would have a deeper communion with Jesus.

4. For Him to use us to shine His light and glory to the world.
We are jars of clay (2 Corinthians 4), and God often uses our broken places to shine His light. When we are vulnerable enough to share our struggles with other people, it gives us the chance to point to Jesus.

We serve a Savior who was perfect so we don’t have to pretend we are. Instead, we can pray that God would use our experiences in the daily grind of life to show others His greatness. And why not even thank God for how He’s going to display His glory through people we’re trusting Him to bring to the faith?

5. For us to live in the hope of heaven.
No other religion can offer this sure hope to those who only see suffering ahead of them on earth. When my son cries, it seems like the world has been drained of all happiness. When I read the news, I often wish I hadn’t. The suffering is too much to imagine.

Whether the pain is slight or suffocating, God is always there, holding out the hope of eternity. It’s always within reach.

Nouwen reminds us that, “Prayer is a way of life which allows you to find a stillness in the midst of the world where you are open to God’s promises, and find hope for yourself, your neighbor, and your world” (p. 79).

Let’s ask God to guide us in that hope, so that we can delight in Him as we share it with others.

From Pain to Freedom

May 15, 2015September 16, 2017 ~ alicia.ruth.yoder ~ 10 Comments

God’s Healing from a Decade of Pain and Worry
Eighteen months ago, our son took his first breath. He has learned so much since then–smiling, laughing, rolling over, sitting up, eating solids, crawling, talking, walking, and now climbing. When he was born, I couldn’t picture him doing all the things he can do now. Neither could I have imagined the journey of healing from physical pain and worry God would take me on as my son was experiencing each baby milestone.

My physical pain started back in high school. . .

Click here to read the rest of the article.*

*This article was originally published as the May 2015 Rosedale Bible College feature in the Beacon, the newsletter of the Conservative Mennonite Conference.

Evaluating Priorities (Part 2)

April 9, 2015September 16, 2017 ~ alicia.ruth.yoder ~ 3 Comments

Why focusing on yourself helps you to focus on others
I lay in bed that night, listening to the slow rhythm of my husband’s breathing, wishing that falling asleep was something I could will myself to do. The past few days, I’d finally felt like I was easing out of survival mode and into a new kind of normal now that Isaiah was a few weeks old.

I’d started meeting with my counselor again. When she’d suggested the idea, I’d tried to smile and nod. Now all my protests were swirling through my mind like a cloud of gnats.

She really thinks I should find a creative outlet? I don’t have time for that. I have a new baby! My brain has a hard enough time trying to figure out what to cook for dinner and when I last nursed my son. How could she think I would want to add something else to my plate?

I flipped over, trying to relax myself into sleep, but my mind wasn’t ready yet. What exactly was I passionate about? Not coffee, or sports, or posting craft ideas on pinterest. I didn’t even know if I had enough energy to be passionate about something.

Then a tiny idea wormed its way up from the back of my brain.

What about fiction writing?

Old flames
My husband had gotten me a few books about fiction writing one year for Christmas. I’d spent a couple summers in highschool and college writing stories, some of which I’d never finished.

Could I really do this? What if, rather than letting story ideas sit on the wrinkles of my brain, I actually wrote them into a novel? (Enter “Go big or go home” personality)

I spent the next weeks working through a book on Plot and Structure and brainstorming ideas for my novel. I found podcasts to listen to and articles to read. I started reading novels again, snatching moments in the evenings when my husband was busy and my son had gone to sleep.

Giving myself the gift of intentionality
Isaiah’s nap time became my writing time. All my other responsibilities had to fit around that precious alone time. Sometimes vacuuming didn’t get done on the day I’d planned to do it. Sometimes laundry wouldn’t get folded for a couple days. It was like the world could keep turning without me.

Crawling out of the ditch of responsibility for that time each day made me excited about hopping back in to dig through those dishes, laundry, and cleaning tasks as quickly as I could. By not allowing the other tasks to drag out, I was able to have more time focusing on the needs of my son–not to mention more emotional stamina to deal with his crying.

I took a couple Saturday afternoons away to work on my novel, and came home practically giddy to be with my husband and son.

When we were out with people, I started letting a little of my passion spill out in my conversations between talking about our children and how we both were doing.

I entered my novel in a contest. . . and lost. But through the eight months of working on it and studying the craft of writing, I had gained so much more. Every snippet of advice I tried to tuck away, realizing that I’d only scratched off the first layer of complexity and possibilities in my writing.

Being creative was like taking off sunglasses that had been keeping me from seeing the true vibrancy of life.

But as I delighted in this new creativity, some fears wriggled their way into my mind.

Was it really honoring to God to have time for me?

Shouldn’t I be using that time to help others instead?

Worshiping God through creativity
One of the books Christopher had given me was called, “The Christian Imagination,” a collection of articles on the practice of faith in literature and writing. It sent waves of excitement through me to be reminded that creativity is a reflection of our Creator.

Abraham Kuyper said it better than I ever could. “As image-bearer of God, man possesses the possibility both to create something beautiful, and to delight in it.”

Another article quoted Dorthy L. Sayers, who wrote about artistic creation in trinitarian terms. “In every act of creation, there is a controlling idea (the Father), the energy which incarnates that idea through craftsmanship in some medium (the Son), and the power to create a response in the reader (the Spirit).”

By delighting in this new-found creativity, I was able to worship God for His wisdom, power, strength, and beauty.

Creativity also gave me new perceptions of reality. C.S. Lewis said that, “literature enlarges our world of experience to include both more of the physical world and things not yet imagined, giving the “actual world” a “new dimension of depth.”

Skin-tingling sensations
When Isaiah was born, his senses exploded with new feelings–light, sounds, textures, and scents. Flannery O’Connor said, “The beginning of human knowledge is through the senses, and the fiction writer begins where human perception begins.”

I think that idea applies to every creative activity out there.

God didn’t make us unfeeling robots. He wants to connect with us on a skin-tingling level as we experience his creation. And when we see the creative endeavors of others (like my mom-in-law’s masterpiece quilts), we have yet another chance to praise the Father like crazy for how He’s using people to share His beauty.

So I believe there are two parts that make up our “me time.”
1. Time to be creative.
2. Time to enjoy the creativity of others.

My husband has experienced my B.C. state (before creativity) and has told me he much prefers the A.C. (after creativity) me. In fact, I like me better that way, too.

What is it that you’ve been wanting to work on but felt like there were too many other responsibilities? Why not give it a try and then tell someone about it?

Here’s a list of 150 ideas to get you started.

Evaluating Priorities (Part 1)

April 3, 2015September 16, 2017 ~ alicia.ruth.yoder ~ 5 Comments

I used to wake up in the morning and try not to sigh.

The routine of the week was forecasted to look a lot like the routine of last week, which resembled the one before that. There were always jobs to do around the house–dishes, cleaning, laundry, food prep, bills, emails, keeping my son alive, etc.

Each task felt like one more rock to dig out of the ditch I was walking down. Some moments I would peek above the edge and see the flowers poking up out of the ground, the trees blossoming, and the clouds dancing patterns in the sky. (I’d remind myself that life was filled with an abundance of blessings if I looked for them, right?)

But most of the time I was digging out the rocks, face so close to the dirt that washing the dishes seemed like a cruel joke as they magically reappeared by the sink, caked with tomato sauce.

Looking for More Rocks
But the worst part was finishing my tasks and feeling like I needed to be looking for more rocks to dig out.

An event needed baked goods?
Someone needed a babysitter?
An elderly person wanted visits?

And what about people’s spiritual needs?
Who did I need to tell about Jesus?
How could I find them?
Should I be jumping on a plane to share the gospel somewhere?

I’d feel guilty if I ignored the ideas that ran through my head.
The crisis pregnancy center could probably use supplies.
We should probably have more people over for dinner.

Having my “free” moments taken up by those thoughts zapped my motivation for my other responsibilities. It felt like a never-ending cycle of “have to’s,” “should’s,” and “ought-to’s.”

A number of people gave me a hand outside of the ditch of discouragement, and two women offered me tools to stay out.

Evaluating Priorities
My mentor Natalie helped me to step back and take a look at my priorities. Just making a list forced me past all the “ought-to” thoughts that filled my mind. My list looked like this:

1. My relationship with God
2. Husband
3. Baby Isaiah
4. Family and friends

Once I figured out what was most important, I was able to see how all the other “good things” I thought of could be preventing me from serving the people God has put directly into my life.

A Ministry of Prayer
When I started asking God to show me how to spend my time, I realized I could trust Him to lead me in blessing others and being a part of His kingdom work.

One of the ways God showed me how to reach out to others was through prayer. Even if I couldn’t be a part of physically meeting a need, I could always lift that person before God, asking for Him to work and acknowledging His sovereign care over the situation. I started to even do that with the tragedies I heard about in the news, praying that God would use the situation to draw people to Himself and to show people their need for the gospel.

God also led me to send notes and emails to encourage those serving in our community or involved in overseas ministry. And when I did interact with people in person, I started asking God for the courage to speak truth and life while listening to them.

The Body of Christ
In my quest to please God (and people, if I’m honest), I’d forgotten about the beautiful Body of Christ. In Romans 12:4-5 it says:

“For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.”

It’s not up to me to try to do all the prophesying, serving, teaching, encouraging, giving, leading and showing mercy. And that’s only the list from Romans 12!

When I admire the wonderful things God is doing through other people, I have two options:
1. Feel guilty that I’m not being used in that way
2. Praise the Father like crazy for using people like us to accomplish His plans and purposes.

The daily tasks will always need to be done, (even if I don’t feel “gifted” to wash dishes). I can still do all the little chores for God’s glory, but how cool is it that God has given each of us unique ways to serve Him? Let’s look for ways we can praise Him as we do our piece and see others do theirs in the mosaic of God’s redemption masterpiece.

Next week, I’ll share about the second tool that has helped me stay out of the ditch of discouragement. But until then, I’d love to hear about anything God has used to pull you out of the guilt-laden “ought-to” trap.

When Serving God Doesn’t Look Like I Imagined

March 13, 2015September 16, 2017 ~ alicia.ruth.yoder ~ 10 Comments

Do you believe God has the power to answer your desire to serve Him?

A couple summers ago, Christopher and I stayed at one of those pay-by-the-week sketchy hotels. We were taking a class to learn about Islam and reaching out to Muslims, both in America and overseas. We spent each day listening to lectures and discussing what loving Muslims would look like. Part of our “homework” in the evenings was to meet Muslims (who made up a large population of the city in Michigan) and look for opportunities to engage in spiritual conversations.

That sounded like a good idea in theory, but my body had other plans. Being close to the 6 month mark in my pregnancy, I felt more and more back pain and fatigue. We were supposed to write down our hours spent “reaching out,” and I despaired. Christopher would go out with his guy classmates after supper, and I’d spend most evenings alone in the hotel room.

A few days into our training, we asked to change to a room with a bed that felt less like a hammock. The cleaning lady who helped us move was a talkative young woman from Jordan who was taking college classes in the city. The following Saturday we didn’t have lectures, so we were in the room when she came by to clean. The next twenty minutes were filled with a discussion about heaven, Jesus, and the love of God, while she changed sheets, piled towels, and wiped down counters. Christopher pointed her to some passages in an Arabic Bible, and she kept reading well past the place he’d pointed to, her melodious Arabic interrupted by her exclamations of surprise. Even though I hadn’t gone out of the hotel room, God brought an opportunity literally knocking on my door.

When I graduated from college, I had a picture in my mind of what it would look like to impact the world for Jesus. For some reason, comforting a baby struggling to take a nap or keeping the house clean hadn’t made it into that picture.

Over the next months, as we sensed God’s redirection from moving overseas to reaching out to others State-side, I again struggled with the desire to follow God’s command to make disciples. How was I supposed to do that when caring for my family seemed to take so much time and my primary place was inside the four walls of our apartment? Was I letting God down? Would conjuring up “good things to do” ease my conscience?

My mentor Natalie patiently listened to this cascade of thoughts and quietly asked, “Do you think God has the power to answer your desire to serve in a way that’s pleasing to Him?”

I was speechless. Wasn’t it my job to come up with awesome ways to bring Him glory?

She helped me to step back and ask, “What exactly should my priority be in my spiritual life?”

I knew I wanted to serve God. So where was it all supposed to start?

It begins with drawing near to Him. Period.

If my focus is on how I can know, love, and experience our God in a deeper way, ministry and the rest of life can flow out of that.

It sounds simple, but many of my thoughts get stuck in old patterns. In those times of doubt and feeling like I’m not “doing enough,” a prayer I have adopted is, “Lord, today would you help me set aside feelings of condemnation (guilt over sin that Jesus has paid for) and instead listen for your conviction and leading?

Galatians 5:1 says, For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.

Let’s embrace our glorious Savior today and live in the freedom He died to give us!

Considering the Lilies

Enjoying Jesus in the busyness of life and family

Ministry