Can Mamas of Little Ones Reach the World?

December 4, 2015September 16, 2017 ~ alicia.ruth.yoder

My dear friend Jessie is sharing her heart as my guest blogger today. I’m also excited to share with you about her new book Loving the Stranger: Welcoming Immigrants in the Name of Christ.

Refugee crisis.
Thousands fleeing war.
Camps.
Capsized boats.
Devastation.
Pain.

You read the heart-breaking headlines with one eye on the news story, one eye on an almost-boiling pot on the stove, and one eye on a rambunctious toddler or three (you have more than two eyes, right, including the ones in the back of your head?).

Your compassion is stirred, your concern is raised, and you long to “get out there” and help the hurting in this sick, sad world. But then you sigh as you’re drawn back to reality…

In the time it took you to read the first paragraph of this article, the pot you forgot boiled over, one of the toddlers is wailing in the next room, and you just remembered you have to pay the water and electricity bills today.

Not to mention the fact that finances are tight, you’re dog-tired from getting up with the baby at 3 am (and 4 am, and 5 am), and your passport expired three years ago.

You want to reach the world, but how in the world…?

I have good news for you, Dear Mama. I know your heart beats with desire to be involved in fulfilling the Great Commission (“go and make disciples”) and the Great Commandment (“love your neighbor as yourself”).

I know you’re trying. I know you want to do more for the world but feel like your world is so small, only made up of your home, your husband, and your little, little kids.

God sees you where you are, and He is pleased. But here’s the exciting thing: He has brought and is bringing a strategic ministry to you, right to your doorstep.

You don’t even have to step outside — you just have to invite this ministry in.

What is this ministry? It is nothing less than being an ambassador of the Welcoming God who loves the stranger (Deut. 10:18) and sets the lonely in families (Ps. 68:6).

The lonely strangers I’m talking about are immigrants (refugees, people who came for work, international students…) from literally every country in the world, including members of many unreached people groups who have never before heard the Good News about Jesus.

I promise you, fulfilling the Great Commission is something you can do in the midst of the busyness of your daily schedule.

All it requires is opening your (everyday) life and inviting people in, making room in your (ordinary, Jesus-loving) heart and room at your (messy kitchen) table for one or two more.

You don’t have to set aside certain hours (and arrange a babysitter!) in order to be involved in ministry. Rather, your everyday life is the very thing that immigrants are missing the most about their own lives.

Home. Family. Belonging.

Losing these things is one of the most painful aspects of crossing a culture. And one of the most powerful things we can do for culture-crossers is to welcome them into our own homes and families, inviting them to belong with us.

Alicia has written beautifully about hospitality before, but I just want to offer a quick reminder that hospitality — opening your home — is not the same as entertaining.

Entertaining has its place for sure, but it’s not a biblical command. Hospitality is. Hospitality is much more natural and organic than entertaining.

Entertaining is putting on a show (often a very fun and enjoyable one!), while hospitality is inviting others behind the scenes. In hospitality, there is no need to roll out the red carpet or do things in a more fancy way than usual.

The only thing that is needed is a little extra room at the table for another plate, another person, another life.

Hospitality is making room in your real life for the real life of another, even a “stranger.” As they gather around your everyday kitchen table, strangers cease to be strangers and instead become friends. And kitchen table friends naturally become family over time, because you’re doing life together. Invite internationals into your normal rhythms, your everyday weeknights, your mundane moments.

What they are missing is not novelty, but normalcy. Dinner can be rotisserie chicken or boxed macaroni and cheese – the important thing is that love and connection will be on the menu. Hospitality is simply openness, saying, “Come in! To my home, my heart, my life.”

Openness simply means inviting others into our daily routine wherever we can.

It means thinking, “Since I’m going to the grocery store, I’m going to call Fadila and see if she needs groceries, since I know she doesn’t have a car,” or “Johnny has a tee-ball game tonight and the weather’s nice…maybe I can call Maria and see if she’d like to sit in the bleachers with us and watch.”

Openness is keeping our eyes wide open to the opportunities God brings our way right smack- dab in the middle of our busy lives.

It means resisting the tendency to shut people out when things get hectic. Instead, it means intentionally inviting others into the hectic, into the crazy-busyness. Illusions of perfection maintained by keeping others on the outside of our lives are not helpful for any kind of true friendship, including cross-cultural friendship.

Openness invites others into our real lives, following Paul’s example in ministry, when he said about the Thessalonians: “We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us” (1 Thess 2:8, emphasis mine).

Your simple willingness to open your home and invite strangers to become friends and even family around your kitchen table in the midst of a busy, normal life will speak volumes about your open heart, and testify to God’s heart for the stranger.

You can impact the world, Mama, just by opening your door.

Want to get involved in welcoming immigrants but don’t know how to get started? For an encouraging how-to guide chock-full of practical ideas for how Mamas of little ones can get involved in reaching the world on their doorstep, check out Jessie’s new book: Loving the Stranger: Welcoming Immigrants in the Name of Christ.

Do you know someone who might benefit from this post or from the book? Share this post to let them know!

When Resting Feels Out of Reach

October 30, 2015September 16, 2017 ~ alicia.ruth.yoder ~ 5 Comments

Do you ever feel like resting is a waste of time?

I can so easily get stuck in the mindset that my worth is based on what I have to show at the end of the day.

Sometimes, my husband has physically tugged me over to the couch to take a break.

But even at night, after the lights are turned off and I’m listening to my husband’s slow breaths, it’s almost as if my brain knows I won’t be interrupted.

It starts waving my to-do list around like a sparkler, all the while throwing in other thoughts like, “What did she mean when she said that to you?” or “Do you really think you’ll ever overcome the battle against worry? . . .”

Even when I was in the middle of the sleep-deprived newborn stage after Isaiah was born, my thoughts would often keep buzzing around like a mosquito after he had gone back to sleep.

Unwrapping the Gift

I’ve had to realize that resting takes time and intentionality. And it’s a gift God invites us to enjoy.

I recently watched a two-minute video by music artist Sara Groves discussing the seemingly “extravagant and wasteful attitude creative work seems to require.” She said that taking time to contemplate is seen as lazy, rather than time to let God speak to our hearts.

In our world of constant notifications and reminders, the idea of Sabbath is counter-cultural.

To take a whole day off and not work seems extravagant and wasteful.

Sara talked about the unproductive people in our worlds—the elderly, kids, the homeless—ones who occupy a space that’s easy to bulldoze right over. She questioned what kind of extravagant, wasteful way of thinking they might be inviting us into.

Seasons and circumstances constantly change, so how do I live with that kind of contentment whether I’m studying for college finals, washing sticky hands for the fiftieth time, or spending most of the day at doctor’s appointments with the other silver-haired people?

Rest + Faith

Hebrews 3 and 4 talk about the beautiful blending of rest and faith.

When we believe in Jesus, we are called to enter His rest. It takes daily faith to trust that Jesus is Someone we can rest in.

At the end of Hebrews 2, the author shares that Jesus became human to be our merciful and faithful high priest, paying for our sins. He was tempted like us, so that He can help us in our temptations.

Through Jesus’ power, we are called to fix our thoughts on Him, encourage one another, keep our hearts soft, and hold firmly to our confidence in Jesus. (Hebrews 3)

When we don’t take time to let our minds rest on the truth, we may be continuing on the path of disobedience the Israelites followed when they wandered in the desert. We may start thinking it’s up to us to save ourselves from our circumstances and the responsibilities of life.

Which is exhausting.

Trying to discipline my son in love when he ignores my request for him to come get his diaper changed.

Trying to make a tasty meal for my husband and then listen to him when he comes home late and exhausted.

Trying to speak words of encouragement to a friend who is going through an emotionally heart-stabbing experience.

So what does it look like to rest when we work full-time or have a toddler who would rather run than sleep?

Resting With Confidence

At the end of Hebrews 4, the author points us to God’s Word.

“For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.” (Hebrews 4:12-13)

At first, it might not sound restful to have my thoughts and attitudes lying naked before God.

But in the next verses, we see our Rescuer, the One who empathizes with our weaknesses, who was tempted but was able to live a sinless life for us.

It’s not a call to shape up or ship out. It’s an invitation to His power.

“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16)

Pastor Rick Warren shared this attitude in a devotional:

“One of the most famous Christians of the 19^th century was a guy named Hudson Taylor. He was a missionary to China, and he was a spiritual giant and a brilliant man. In his old age, he lost his health and became very weak. He wrote a letter to a friend that said this:

‘I am so weak I can no longer work. I am so weak I can no longer study. I am so weak I can no longer read my Bible. I cannot even pray. I can only lie still in the arms of God like a little child in trust.’”

Do we feel free to do the same?

The rest we enter into now is only a foretaste of God’s future rest on the New Earth.

It’s been in place since the beginning of time. After God created the world, He rested. He was satisfied with it because everything He does is good. (Genesis 2:2)

I can’t think of anyone better to handle the universe than the One who shaped it.

Will you ask God to show you how to enter His rest in your current season?

He is ready to shower you with His love through His truth.

You can click here for some Scriptures I’ve put together about rest to meditate on.

…As well as a song from Sandra McCracken’s new album, “Psalms.”

6 Ways to Bring More Joy into Your Parenting

October 2, 2015September 16, 2017 ~ alicia.ruth.yoder ~ 6 Comments

My almost-two-year-old son currently spends his days pointing to something, asking what it is called, and trying to repeat it.

If he had the money, he’d also hire someone to be his full-time book reader–as long as he could sit on their lap the whole time.

He loves it when we finally understand what he’s trying to say.

And when he makes us laugh, he likes to say, “That’s funny.”

But when there’s a container he can’t get open or a knob he can’t turn the whole way, every good thing in life is forgotten. He yell-cries and tenses up, as if his frustration is trying to mutate his body. To him, there is no other solution, until an outside force asks him if he needs a little help.

In a voice still wet with tears, he echoes, “Little help” and looks at me.

In these past two years of being a parent, I often feel like I’m not strong enough to keep twisting the lid off the jars of training, correction, and discipline.

It comes so naturally to pity myself, act annoyed, and wish I wasn’t entrusted with someone who can send me running with only a “Moooommmmyyyy!” from the other room.

So often I ignore the Spirit’s small voice saying, “Do you need a little help?”

I assume that because lots of parents raise their children in their own strength, I should be able to as well.

But then the weary, fearful, and overwhelmed feelings start pelting me, one pebble after the other, reminding me that only God can help me thrive in this season of parenting.

Here are six questions I’ve had to ask myself when parenting feels like climbing a rock slide.

Am I spending time in the Word?

Maybe reading the story of Ahab killing Naboth for his vineyard won’t seem to bring the immediate answers I feel I need, but as I study each God-breathed Scripture, I can get to know the character of God more. The God who gives us so much more than what we might think we deserve, and is ready with His forgiveness when we do repent of our selfish desires.

I can delight in depending on someone else as my Rock, Refuge, Wisdom, and Lover, instead of trying to be those things for myself and my family.

I can see the grace He offered again and again to the Israelites and embrace Jesus’ perfection on my behalf.

When I read the words of God, I can submit my insecure, insufficient thoughts to Him and welcome in His truths to replace them.

2. Am I inviting God into each peanut butter and jelly-filled day?

Sometimes I wake up with my to-do list scrolling through my head.

Sometimes Isaiah gets up early and is ready to contribute his own demands before I’ve even shaken off my dreams.

When I step out of bed, it can feel like a moving sidewalk, pulling me to the next responsibility.

If I don’t take the time to invite Jesus into my activities for the day, it’s easy for me to start thinking it’s all up to me to keep the ship from sinking. Household responsibilities can start to feel pointless and mundane.

When I ask Him to help me enjoy Him and the work He has for me that day, it opens the way for Jesus to bring the satisfaction and contentment He longs to give. It also helps me fight the battle against guilt influencing the good things I think I should be doing.

3. Am I taking on burdens of responsibility that weren’t meant for me to bear?

My tendency has often been to try and make Isaiah’s life as comfortable as possible. I hate seeing him experience hunger, thirst, or pain. I’ve cringed at the thought of having to let him learn from his poor choices.

In Parenting With Love and Logic, Foster Cline and Jim Fay share that, “Effective parenting centers around love: love that is not permissive, love that doesn’t tolerate disrespect, but also love that is powerful enough to allow kids to make mistakes and permit them to live with the consequences of those mistakes.

“Most mistakes do have logical consequences. And those consequences, when accompanied by empathy—our compassionate understanding of the child’s disappointment, frustration and pain—hit home with mind-changing power.” (p. 13)

These consequences go back to the beginning of time, when sin entered the world.

“When Adam and Eve made the wrong choice, God allowed them to suffer the consequences. Although He did not approve of their disobedience, He loved them enough to let them make a decision and live with the results.” (p. 29)

Of course, God’s grace and mercy were at work the entire time. Even in their sin, He used them as part of His plan of redemption and forgiveness.

But because our sinful nature keeps us from God, our children also need the chance to be faced with the realization that they can never be perfect. Only when they see their need can we point them to Jesus, who paid with His life so that they could be seen as righteous before God.

Tedd Tripp’s book, Shepherding a Child’s Heart talks about correction having a central focus on redemption. He shares that, “You must address the heart as the fountain of behavior, and the conscience as the God-given judge of right and wrong. The cross of Christ must be the central focus of your childrearing.

“You want to see your child live a life that is embedded in the rich soil of Christ’s gracious work. The focal point of your discipline and correction must be your children seeing their utter inability to do the things that God requires unless they know the help and strength of God.” (p. 120)

As we encourage our children in the truth of the gospel, facing natural and parent-led consequences give our children safe ways to fail.

Cline and Fay share that “The older a child gets, the bigger the decisions become and the graver the consequences of those decisions. Little children can make many mistakes at affordable prices. They can pick themselves up and try again if things don’t work out.” (p. 30)

If Isaiah refuses to eat his dinner, he will feel the natural consequence of hunger and be ready to jump into his high chair at breakfast.

If it is time for his diaper to be changed, he can choose whether he wants to walk, run or be carried to the changing table.

When it’s time to brush his teeth, he can have them brushed while he’s sitting or standing.

If he’s having trouble sharing when a friend is over, he spends a few minutes alone in his bed.

I’ve needed God’s help to be unemotional when dealing with my son’s bad choices and jubilant when he makes good ones.

I’m realizing how natural it is to say things I regret or can’t enforce. But when I do, I can ask for my son’s forgiveness and keep disciplining in God’s strength as His agent.

There are many parenting situations we haven’t had to face yet, but I’ve appreciated Cline and Fay’s insights into bedtime struggles, chores, homework, grades, and getting ready to go somewhere. They give concrete examples and case studies of how parents can handle these situations.

As children learn our expectations and their responsibilities, they can take charge of their own choices, (and we can stop doing the thinking for them).

4. Am I making my expectations clear and taking the time to enforce consequences?

Jeff and Jen Wilkin, in their parenting class share that the number of warnings I regularly give will be the number of times my children will get used to disobeying before they listen. They talk about keeping a long view of parenting, making decisions based on what will be best for our children in the long run.

For example, if I take the time to talk with my children about how I expect them to behave when we go somewhere, they will know when they’ve done something deserving discipline (even if it has to wait until we get home).

And when it’s time to leave, if I’ve given them a few minutes warning, they may not be as frustrated to be swept back into the car.

5. Am I accepting the grace of the gospel in my own life so I can pass it on to my children?

If I have a running commentary of insults in my head whenever I make a mistake, I can’t help but be critical when my son messes up.

Even before I became a mom, I saw how my feelings influenced the way I treated others. If I was frustrated by how little I seemed to accomplish that day, when my husband came home from work, it was natural for me to get frustrated if he didn’t feel the same drive for productivity by taking out the trash or helping with the dishes.

Melissa Kruger, in her Biblestudy Walking With God in the Season of Motherhood, says that our “hope is to have God impact our own lives in such a way that His imprint on our hearts makes a lasting impression on our children. If we yearn for children who take their needs to God in prayer, it is important that we increasingly become women of prayer. . .If we want peaceful, hopeful, kind and compassionate children, it is essential that we grow in these graces ourselves. In the beauty of God’s design, He is in the process of parenting us as we parent our children. (p.3)

6. Am I allowing myself time to enjoy my children?

Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Many times God leads us to His good works through our roles. Listening to my husband share about his work day is a way to show love to him.

When I take time to delight in my son, reading Rumble in the Jungle for the fiftieth time or watching him go down the slide, I am sharing in the good works God has for me.

When I start to thank God for my role of parenting, rather than seeing it as a constant burden of interruptions, it can open up the way for His joy to flow through me. (And to appreciate how funny a two-year-old can really be.)

What has God used in your life to bring more joy into your parenting?

Jesus, we invite you into our lives and this terrifying and wonderful journey of parenting. Thank you for the eternal souls you’ve placed in our families. Would you give us and our children soft hearts to embrace all you have for us? We are Yours.

22 Christ-Centered Resources for Life and Family

September 4, 2015September 16, 2017 ~ alicia.ruth.yoder ~ 2 Comments

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by all the Christian resources available?

What’s the difference between books, songs, videos, and other media that are simply uplifting and ones that are Christ-centered?

It all comes back to the gospel.

I want my son to know about Noah and the ark because it points to Jesus.

That even though the flood destroyed everyone except Noah’s family, God knew bad things would happen again.

But there was still hope because when Jesus came, He provided the way for everyone to be saved by His death and resurrection.

I want Isaiah to celebrate what God did through the men and women in the Bible, rather than thinking he needs to imitate the “Bible heroes.”

I want him to see how each story in Scripture is a part of the bigger story of God’s plan of redemption from Genesis to Revelation.

And I want the other resources that I read about marriage, parenting, and spiritual growth to have God’s rescue plan and the freedom He offers be the foundation for any other advice given.

So. . .

I’ve added a new resource page to my blog.

You can check it out here.

Do you know of any other Jesus-filled resources?

I’d love for you to comment or message me.

20 Things My Toddler Taught Me

August 14, 2015September 16, 2017 ~ alicia.ruth.yoder ~ 2 Comments

1. People are more important than possessions.

He was digging through the cupboard of pots and pans and I hadn’t heard any alarming crashes. But when I went to put the pans away, I saw my crimson-glazed 9 by 9 baking dish in three pieces on the floor. After a few minutes of feeling sorry for myself, I realized I’d rather have my son than an intact dish.

2. Laughter is not something to ration out. (Or other expressions of joy, for that matter)

If Isaiah is pleased, he is usually laughing. If his older cousins are laughing, he joins right in. A sliced open watermelon elicits a “Wow!” Being chased or pursued brings squeals of delight, especially if it involves his daddy pretending to eat him in the end.

Maybe if I laughed that much, I’d feel better about my day, too.

3. Life is richer when lived in the present.

I’m amazed at what Isaiah notices when we are out and about. He watches a semi barrel down the road, points to birds flying in the air, hears crop dusters fly by, and notices each child in the grocery store. So often my thoughts are wrapped up my to-do list or if I said the right thing during a conversation the night before.

Maybe if I observed the world a little closer, I’d appreciate it more.

4. Social media can lure me in like a fly to a spiderweb (and mess up my priorities).

Sometimes when Isaiah starts to fuss, my thought is, “How many more emails or messages can I go through before he gets really loud?” The bursts of interruption when I’m in cyberworld help me to remember that making supper is important and so is reading books, teaching Isaiah the difference between a yak and a giraffe.

5. Surrendering to the unexpected can be healthy.

Whether a diaper soaks through or he just wants me to read him “Do Cows Meow?” again, Isaiah has taught me to let go of my plans and enjoy moments of beauty, like a butterfly looping in the air instead of trying to save it for later and crushing it in the process. He loves it when I invite people over or my sister-in-law stops by. It may be just what I needed.

6. I can’t do this parenting thing on my own, (or this life thing, really).

Through crying, tantrums, and confusion (on both our parts), every day I am reminded that I need Jesus. Without His help, I can’t help but react in frustration and anger. I can’t show my son the patience he needs.

7. Asking intentional questions can be scary and wonderful (because life is short).

Having a conversation with another mother of a toddler is like being a trapeze performer talking to a lion tamer during a three ring circus. Your mind is always partially occupied with something else. Since it’s hard enough for us to get in close proximity enough to hear each other, each moment is precious. I don’t want to miss a chance to find out how she is doing. Does it matter whether my child is potty-trained or not yet?

8. Plans can be changed.

I used to think if I figured out a schedule to live by and kept to it like a military private, I would feel satisfied and productive. Instead, it felt a bit like a noose in the year before Isaiah was born. If I didn’t take that morning walk, I’d be failing in doing what’s best.

Some days Isaiah prefers more attention, sometimes he needs to just get outside, and when that nose starts to run, he needs a little more TLC and quarantine.

If I surrender my days to an unchanging God, who always knows what is best, I can trust Him to lead me in the rhythms of life.

9. It doesn’t always feel more blessed to give than to receive.

I don’t like sharing my last bite of cupcake with Isaiah. I certainly didn’t feel like getting up to feed him during the night when he was a baby.

But each time I struggle with my own selfishness, it gives me the chance to run to Jesus. He is always there to sympathize with our weaknesses and forgive us when we ask (Hebrews 4).

10. My son is not a reflection of me.

When he sends cars flying off the coffee table, when he makes burping sounds and laughs, when he dives onto the couch cushions, I know he’s not me.

But when people are watching, when he rips a truck out of the hands of another toddler, when he cries because he can’t push the buttons on the grocery store card reader, it’s easy to think I’m at fault.

If I let myself worry so much about how I’m perceived, I might forget the shepherding and training I’m supposed to be focusing on.

11. It’s important for me to stay healthy.

When I take time to practice creativity through writing or take some time in the evening to get lost in a novel, I often feel more energy to embrace the cooking, laundry, and moments of teaching and discipline.

If I’m determinedly checking off a too-long list of tasks, requests for help or a listening ear can be met with anger or self-pity. Even toddlers can catch these vibes.

12. I’m not in control. (Was I really able to live under that illusion before?)

When Isaiah’s skin felt like it had been baked in an oven, we couldn’t heal him from his fever.

When he gets older and is pelted by hurtful words, I won’t be able to stop it.

But I can keep giving my son up to our loving Father who’s got the whole redemption story worked out and wins in the end.

13. It’s okay to not always feel understood.

Isaiah is learning to talk, and about half the time I have no idea if he’s trying to recite the preamble or tell me about his time at Grandma’s. Even when he’s repeating a word over and over, in increasingly panicky tones, sometimes I just don’t get it.

There are times when I feel I’m doing the same thing, trying to put into words how I feel or what I wish would happen. Sometimes, people won’t understand no matter how hard I try. That’s okay, because the Spirit totally understands and intercedes for us when we can’t even find the words to pray (Romans 8).

Sometimes it’s better to just split a banana smoothie with Isaiah and sip it in silence, anyway.

14. Sometimes efficiency is unloving.

I have often thought my husband would be happy if I got the house cleaned up before he got home, but usually I’d run out of time and try to listen to him and follow a recipe at the same time. When I’d try to get the dishes cleaned up quickly, I’d feel tense and ungrateful for Husband unloading the dish drainer.

Sometimes I don’t want to take the time to kiss boo-boos or talk to Isaiah’s stuffed bear.

Sometimes I absolutely have to get something done—but usually it can wait a few minutes.

15. Daddies like it when we take an interest in what they’re doing.

Whether it’s watching fighter jets on youtube or punching out the pieces to a new board game, Isaiah is almost always right by his Daddy’s side. When I join in on hearing Christopher’s passions, we can enjoy our time together as a family.

16. Trying new things and looking silly is worth it.

All day long, Isaiah tries to imitate what we are doing—yoga stretches, cooking, putting on deodorant. He usually misses a few numbers when counting to ten or singing his do re mi’s. But he tries. He’s not afraid of messing up.

What if I allowed myself the same freedom?

17. God loves me just as I am.

Isaiah doesn’t contribute too tangibly to society yet (unless you count dirty diapers and food art). He doesn’t help too many old ladies cross the street or wash the dishes.

And we love him like crazy.

If we don’t expect Isaiah to earn our pleasure by his performance, why do I let myself feel that way about God?

18. It’s okay to cry when something hurts.

Isaiah probably cries three or four times a day from trips, stubs, and pinched fingers. Sometimes letting it all out can get us back to zooming our tractors around again.

19. Being messy can be liberating.

Isaiah doesn’t mind when his hands and neck are sticky with watermelon juice. He doesn’t care if the toys are picked up. He still drops his spoon.

Sometimes grimy hugs are more important than keeping my clothes clean.

Sometimes risking messy relationships is better than not having them at all.

20. There isn’t always a right way of doing something.

Why eat your strawberry slices with a fork, when you can stick your fingers through them? Why tear your lettuce into a salad when you can dip the stalk itself into ranch dressing?

When I spend too much energy making sure my family does things the right way, it stays in the air like a stinky diaper, distracting from more meaningful conversation.

Thanks, Isaiah, for putting up with this mama of yours.

Thank you, Father, for loving me as I am, but also loving me too much to let me stay that way.

What’s one thing your kids have taught you? I’d love to hear.

5 Ways to Fight Fear

July 24, 2015September 16, 2017 ~ alicia.ruth.yoder ~ 8 Comments

The dreams all happened over the course of a few nights.

A dream that our friends got divorced.
A dream that a friend’s baby died.
A dream that another friend got cancer.

For some, these tragedies are reality. For others of us, they are part of the battle against fearful thoughts.

If all our fears were unfounded, we could probably talk ourselves out of it.
But in this broken world, pain will invade us until Jesus comes back to destroy evil once and for all.

Those who don’t know Christ have a lot to fear. But if we have surrendered our lives to Jesus, His Spirit lives inside us.

We have weapons for the battle.

When I was pregnant with Isaiah, I remember being so afraid I would have a miscarriage.
In his first newborn weeks, I worried if I couldn’t hear him rustling around on the monitor during the night.
There are times even in this toddler stage that my mind jumps to fear when I’m in the kitchen cooking dinner and haven’t heard him make noise for a while.

Sometimes the “what ifs” can be suffocating, squeezing the air out of more positive thoughts.

Here are 5 ways I’ve fought in the battle against fear:

1. Remember that it takes intentional fighting.
Ephesians 6:10-11 says, “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.”

Author and speaker Steve Wibberley talks about the importance of daily putting on the armor of God in his book, Knowing Jesus is Enough for Joy. We can be prepared for the battle by praying through each piece regularly.

The Belt of Truth: proclaiming the gospel to ourselves and acknowledging our identity in Christ (that we are loved, cleansed, and commissioned for His work)
The Breastplate of Righteousness: claiming God’s righteousness on our behalf, accepting His forgiveness for when we do sin
The Shoes of Peace: asking for strength to forgive others who hurt us and to love everyone we interact with
The Shield of Faith: praising God, even when things are difficult, trusting His work in our lives
The Helmet of Salvation: thanking God that “my significance and security come from Him and that they cannot be taken away by any person or circumstance.” (Wibberley 69)
The Sword of the Spirit: memorizing the Word and praying through what God is saying through a passage, relating the principles to our own lives. Here’s an example from Nehemiah:

“Thank you, Lord, for the grace you showed to the Israelites as they rebuilt the city walls and renewed the covenant, knowing that they would break it again soon. Thank you for extending that grace to me when I forget you and decide to wallow in self-pity, and for when I’m tired and short on patience with my husband and Isaiah.”

2. Remember whose side you’re on.
Sometimes it helps me to step away from my limited perspective by meditating on attributes of God that I have experienced or recently observed in Scripture.

Lover of sinners.

Creator of the universe.

Worker of everything good.

Gentle Shepherd.

Sovereign over all creation.

Redeemer of all my past, present, and future sins.

Grace-giver.

Promised Conqueror of all that is evil.

3. Remember that it’s not wrong to be afraid.
It’s encouraging to me when I think about how many people God used in the Bible who were afraid.

God said, “Do not be afraid” to Abraham, Moses (over and over during his ministry), Joshua, Elijah, Jeremiah, Joseph, Mary, and Paul, but it was not an accusation. It was a reminder that He was going to be with them in the special purposes He had for their lives.

Even Jesus was afraid. When Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemane, waiting to be arrested, He said, “Now my soul is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!”
Then a voice came from heaven, “I have glorified it, and will glorify it again.” (John 12:27-28)

4. Remember the psalmists.
What I love about the book of Psalms is that one moment the writer is pouring out his feelings and frustrations to the Lord, and then by the time he reaches the end of the psalm (I picture him gritting his teeth), he declares his trust in God, even if he can’t see how God is going to fix his problems. (see Psalm 13, 28, 35, 42)

God wants to listen to the emotions going on inside of us and has given us words of faith we can pray with the psalmists.

A few weeks before Isaiah was born, my midwife encouraged me to find verses of faith to cling to as I approached the unknown of childbirth.

Here are a few examples of those words of faith: (Many of these examples are taken from Gaylyn William’s book All Stressed Up and Everywhere to Go).

Psalm 56:3-4–When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.
In God, whose word I praise—
in God I trust and am not afraid.
What can mere mortals do to me?

Psalm 68:19–Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior,
who daily bears our burdens.

Psalm 27:14–Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.

Psalm 46:1-3, 10-11–God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
The Lord Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

5. Remember our final destination.
Sometimes the things we fear do happen.

Here are John’s words to one of the churches facing a fearful situation in Revelation 2:10: “Do not be afraid of what you are about to suffer. I tell you, the devil will put some of you in prison to test you, and you will suffer persecution for ten days. Be faithful, even to the point of death, and I will give you life as your victor’s crown.

Maybe the pain feels so raw and gaping that you can’t remember what happiness felt like.

Paul reminded the church in Corinth, “For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.” (2 Corinthians 5:4-5)

In Christ, there is always a hopeful future.

Randy Alcorn helped me to put this into perspective. He illustrated that our lives right now are a dot, but eternity is a line. (You can read more thoughts on heaven here.)

There might be a lot of pain packed into that little dot, but the line won’t even have a hint of it.

We will encounter fearful situations. Fearful thoughts may come when we least expect it. But Jesus is always ready with His peace.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27)

Calling out His name is a great place to start.

How will you battle against fear today?

The Danger of Wanting to See Results

July 10, 2015September 16, 2017 ~ alicia.ruth.yoder ~ 16 Comments

One summer in high school, I noticed a billboard on my way to work that said, “We took immediately and made it faster.”

We live in a culture of microwaved food, vitamin supplements, and exercise programs promising to burn our fat faster.

You want to grow your hair faster? There’s a shampoo for that.

Now that my son is a toddler, he loves to run as fast as he can (not usually paying attention to obstacles obstructing his path).

Why would we want to do anything slowly if we can get a similar result faster?

Growing up, I measured my nine-month schoolyears by twice a year report cards.

I went on short-term mission trips.

Getting married was one of my first decisions where I couldn’t picture the end.

When I got pregnant with Isaiah, we waited the designated nine months to meet him, and then he was here.

For good.

There was no putting him back where he came from.

There would be no days off unless they were carefully arranged.

For the first months of his life, he would even receive all his sustenance from me.

No Test to Ace
I realized that in motherhood there were no periodic evaluations, final exams, or times specifically devoted to reflecting on my performance.

It was just . . . doing life.

No one was telling me if I did a bad job.

When we felt the Lord redirecting us from the goal of moving overseas (you can read more here), I spent time questioning my purpose.

What if I couldn’t see how God was choosing to use me?

What if He didn’t choose to use me at all?

My mentor Natalie reminded me that “Being used by God is a byproduct of my relationship with Him.”

My focus can’t be about achieving results, because . . .

God wants my heart.

If I use my performance or relationships with others to make me feel significant, I will always be disappointed in the end.

If my contentment in Jesus is based on how I can or cannot see Him using me, it will be easy to fall into the comparison trap (you can read more here).

Mothering Like Jesus
At the height of Jesus’ ministry, He often went to quiet places to be alone with His Father. He blessed children when He could have spent the time healing more people and seeing immediate results. (Mark 10:13-16)

Do I want my son to see a mom who is obsessed with evaluating performance?

What might he conclude about my love for him if that’s my highest concern?

Melissa Kruger, in her excellent biblestudy on Walking With God in the Season of Motherhood, wrote that our “hope is to have God impact our own lives in such a way that His imprint on our hearts makes a lasting impression on our children…. If we want peaceful, hopeful, kind, and compassionate children, it is essential that we grow in these graces ourselves. In the beauty of God’s design, He is in the process of parenting us as we parent our children.”

A Patient God
If we look at God’s plan of redemption, we are reminded again and again of His patience.

He is not in a hurry.

If He were, He wouldn’t have made Sarah barren for so many years.

He wouldn’t have put up with the Israelites flailing around in their sin and choosing to remember Him only when they were in trouble.

He wouldn’t have preserved a remnant when conquerors came, one after the other.

He wouldn’t have come to earth as a baby and then entrusted the message of the gospel to a small group of disciples.

If God were in a hurry, I’m pretty sure none of us would have had the chance to be born.

God wants us to abide in Him as grapes on His vine Jesus (John 15). He wants us to enjoy Him, ready to be squeezed into a precious bottle of wine when the time is right–so that if visible results do come, our first response won’t be to feel good about ourselves.

It will be to worship Him.

Here are seven snippets of truth my mentor Natalie shared with me for when I struggle to see results.

1. Submit your time table to God.

2. Remember that only Jesus brings true satisfaction.

3. Rejoice that His burden is light. (Matthew 11:30)

4. Realize that you don’t need to have all the answers at once. (He’s got it under control.)

5. Recognize that God’s kingdom almost always looks different from the world’s view of success.

6. Invite Him into every part of your life (even the boring diaper changes and laundry).

7. Ask God to help you rejoice in the beautiful works that are being done by others.

Will you ask Jesus to help you enjoy Him today?

When Your Weakness is Beautiful

July 3, 2015September 16, 2017 ~ alicia.ruth.yoder ~ 12 Comments

The pain crept in slowly, but by the time I laid my head on the pillow, I was nearly in tears. It wasn’t only the stiff throbbing that had settled again in my neck and shoulders.

It was the fear that I would be forced to go back in time and relive the ten years of daily chronic pain and thought patterns that accompanied it.

Christopher prayed for me, and the next day I felt so much better. But when the pain started to sneak back the following day, I was ready to start paying more attention to my limitations and take the physical, mental, and spiritual rest that I needed to find relief from the pain.

Why would God want to use someone so. . . weak?

In our culture, women are supposed to be able to do it all–hold a job, raise children, work out at the gym, cook and eat healthy meals (from their own garden), and still find time for relationships.

As believers, we don’t only want to keep our children alive, but we want to shepherd their hearts. We want to respect and bless our husbands. We want to serve as members of the Body of Christ. We want to engage with people on a heart level and pray for their needs.

If we were stronger and had more stamina, wouldn’t we be able to do more for God?

Boasting About Weakness
In 2 Corinthians 11:16-12:10, Paul talks about all the hardships he endured for the sake of the gospel. (think prison, floggings, stonings, and shipwrecks)

He could have gone around telling people how he’d stood strong in his suffering and was still doing the Lord’s work.

He could have told people that they should be able to do it all, too.

But in His infinite wisdom and love, God gave Paul a thorn in his flesh. He begged for God to take it away, but he received an answer better than healing.

He received a new perspective.

” But [God] said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (2 Corinthians 12:8)

When our strength, efficiency, and accomplishments are taken off like layers of a ball gown and we stand there shivering in our undergarments, there is still Someone who can never be removed because He lives inside of us.

The God who designed each galaxy and forms every one of the billions of cells in every person on the planet chose to send His Son to pay for our sins, so that He could dwell in us and do beautiful works through us.

After Job lost everything and was sitting in the dust, scraping at his sores, he said, “Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him .” (Job 13:15) By the end of the book, he knew the power of the God he served. “My ears had heard of you
but now my eyes have seen you.” (Job 42:5)

Maybe you were up all night with the baby, your husband came home from work discouraged, and when you finally sat down to read a novel, a friend called who needed encouragement.

Maybe you feel you have nothing left to give.

Or maybe it’s just a constant stream of daily tasks and responsibilities that seem manageable when you look at each day separately, but as the weeks go by, the water pressure keeps carving out a canyon in your heart.

The Shortest Prayer
If you look at God’s redemption story, woven from Genesis to Revelation, you can see that one of God’s deepest desires is for us to look to Him.

So when you don’t know what to say to yourself or others, try praying this: “Jesus.”

You can even whisper it if you’re in the middle of Walmart or holding a sleeping baby.

And then the Spirit may give you a few more words. Maybe just two: “Jesus, help!”

Maybe more.

When we let our Father take charge, we allow His power to work through us whenever He chooses. We don’t try to work ourselves to death trying to make it happen.

God used a barren woman to birth a nation.

God used a shy murderer to lead a people out of slavery in Egypt.

God used a teenage girl to raise the Messiah.

He didn’t have to use them. But when he did, there could be no doubt Who was doing the work.

So why does God bother to use humans at all?

Because He’s crazy about us. He created us in His image and calls us His children. (Romans 8)

Right now, Christopher and I are celebrating each new word Isaiah learns. We can’t stop laughing when he sees a toy and shouts, “Awesome!” or drops something in his bib and says, “Oh, shoot.”

Don’t you think the Father who knit our bones and muscles together might feel the same way about us?

As we spend time in His Word and in prayer (including the one word ones), He’ll show us what to spend our energy on. As we let Him into all our weak areas, He may not fill us with strength. But it may open the way for something better–a deeper intimacy with Him.

Are you in?

Why It’s Not Your Job to Prevent Pain

June 5, 2015September 16, 2017 ~ alicia.ruth.yoder ~ 7 Comments

A couple weekends ago, my husband planned a trip to Ohio to visit one of his friends and wanted to take our son along (8 hours away, if you calculate it without a toddler in the back seat).

It was going to be the first time in 19 months that I’d be baby-free for more than a few hours.

It terrified me to think of not being there to anticipate my son’s needs, put him down for a nap, comfort him, or make sure he ate some vegetables.

What if he cried in his carseat for hours?

What if he wouldn’t go to sleep in a new place?

What if he stole toys from their little girl?

What if he experienced (gasp) pain?

It caused me to question some of the beliefs I didn’t know I had:
1. It is my job as a wife and mother to try to keep my husband and child from feeling pain.
2. I need to do everything I can to prevent anything bad from happening.

What if I failed?

Occupation: Pain Prevention Squad
Sometimes, when we see those we love going through difficulties, it feels like we’re the ones with the hangnail being ripped off.

We wish would could take it away or even take it on ourselves.

But God has never shied away from pain, because there is something He values even more than our comfort.

Joseph was falsely accused and thrown into prison. (Genesis 39)
The prophet Isaiah was told no one would listen to his message. (Isaiah 6)
Daniel kept praying to God despite a king’s edict and was thrown into a lion’s den. (Daniel 6)
John the Baptist lost his head because of his preaching. (Mark 6)

God wants our hearts–and the hearts of everyone around us. He was willing to send His own Son to die an excruciating death so that we could be His sons and daughters. And, like a loving parent, He wants us to experience His spiritual blessings.

According to Ephesians 1, God . . .

. . . chose us before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight

. . . adopted us as his children

. . . lavished us with grace with all wisdom and understanding

. . . redeemed us through his blood

. . . forgave our sins

. . . worked everything out according to his will so that we could bring him glory

. . . marked us with a seal, the Holy Spirit, guaranteeing our inheritance in heaven

2 Corinthians 4:17-18 says, “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

Our pain has a purpose. My child’s pain has a purpose. I may not see it on this side of eternity, but if my son’s pain causes him to see his need for Jesus, I’d much rather he experience spiritual blessings with pain than live a comfortable life.

C.S. Lewis, in his book, The Problem of Pain, says that “pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”
If I believe I serve a loving Father, who delights in His relationship with me, I can crawl into His arms, knowing that he may be using our family’s pain in any number of ways. . .

. . . to refine us.

. . . to protect us from further pain.

. . . to grow us.

. . . to guide us.

Sometimes our fear of pain can eclipse the rays of blessing Jesus wants us to feel.

When I was able to lay my fears in Jesus’ capable arms, I was free to enjoy the gift of solitude while my family was away. Isaiah got some really special “Daddy time,” learning how to communicate with him without Mommy intervention. Everyone came back in one piece. And I got the chance to see how efficient I can be when I’m alone in the house–and that I don’t care to.

I’d much rather trip over toys on the floor than be able to see what color the carpet is. I’d rather cook meals that get devoured in ten minutes than have no one to cook for. I’d rather risk pain than abandon my relationships to avoid it.

And seriously, who doesn’t like to listen to little-boy animal and truck sounds all day long?

Spirit, please lead us out of our fear of pain and into a place of trust. Please take our painful experiences and make something beautiful out of each one. You are worthy.

5 Ways to Pray With Hope

May 22, 2015September 16, 2017 ~ alicia.ruth.yoder ~ 7 Comments

Do you ever feel like you’re praying on autopilot?

I try to pray with my son before his nap each afternoon. Often it sounds something like this: “Dear Jesus, please give Isaiah a good rest, so that he can wake up refreshed, (so he won’t be fussy and I can get lots of stuff done).”

One afternoon at the end of my prayer, as I left my son to continue playing with his toy smartphone in his crib, I felt God asking me what else I wanted Him to do in my son’s life.

Henri Nouwen, in his book, With Open Hands, says, “The prayer of little faith makes us cling to the concrete circumstances of the present situation in order to win a certain security. . . wishes which beg for immediate fulfillment.”

Sometimes, my days alternate between feeling sorry for myself (when there’s a huge pile of dishes to be washed, child throwing a tantrum, or my efficiency plans get tossed in the trash) and feeling sorry for others (when my brain stops long enough to realizes there are other people around me and around the world who are going through unimaginable hardships).

When I pray, I want to see God act. “Help the people affected by the earthquake in Nepal. Let things go smoothly with my friend’s delivery. Heal my mom’s foot pain.”

Praying With Hope
But what if God doesn’t seem to be answering? Part of living a life of faith involves praying with hope.

Nouwen says, “If you pray with hope, all those concrete requests are ways of expressing your unlimited trust in God, who fulfills all promises, who holds out for you nothing but good, and who wants to share goodness and love with you.”

He goes on to say that “Our numerous requests simply become the concrete way of saying that we trust in the fullness of God’s goodness. . . expressing an unlimited faith in the giver of all good things” (p. 46).

So how do we pray with that kind of hope? Dictionary.com uses words like believe, desire, trust and rely when defining the word hope.

Hope and faith go hand in hand. Hebrews 11:1 says that “faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”

According to Nouwen, “Hope includes an openness where you wait for the promise to be delivered., even though you never know when, where or how this might happen” (p. 43)

It’s easy to hope in things we feel are under our control–our home, children, work, even the reliability of our car. These securities can cause us to forget the One who is in charge of it all. When the roadblocks do come and our feelings of control are shattered, our loving Father is always there with His arms out to welcome us back to His peace.

When we practice praying with hope in God, the roadblocks we encounter can draw us into even deeper intimacy with Him.

One way God has guided me in prayers of hope is through focusing on what He’s already started doing in the world. Here are five areas we can pray with Him.

1. For unbelievers to know Him.
Tragedies occur every second of every day. Natural disasters and evil people make others suffer and die. We live in a broken, sin-stained world. But since the beginning of time, God’s desire has been for people to know Him. As we pray for deliverance, comfort and relief for those in pain, we can also pray that through it people would know Jesus. We can even pray for terrorists, dictators, and murderers to be brought to their knees in surrender to Christ.

2. For people to remember Him.
We are forgetful people, and pain can shock us into remembering who is really important. I don’t need to pray for my son’s life to be hard. It will be. But I can ask that God would use his hardships to draw him closer to Jesus.

Some of my friends have recently had babies. I’ve prayed that the babies would sleep well at night and cry less. I’ve prayed for healing in the mothers and protection from depression. But nothing can prevent it from being a hard season, so I can also pray that in all the difficult moments, these moms would feel God’s presence with them. I can pray that as their babies need them constantly, they would be reminded of their need for Jesus.

3. For daily communion with Him.
Many times we can’t relieve people’s struggles. It’s impossible for life to be easy for my friends living overseas. Language, cultural blunders, and going from shop to shop just trying to find floss is exhausting. I pray for deliverance from their current struggles. But I can also pray that through the challenges, they would have a deeper communion with Jesus.

4. For Him to use us to shine His light and glory to the world.
We are jars of clay (2 Corinthians 4), and God often uses our broken places to shine His light. When we are vulnerable enough to share our struggles with other people, it gives us the chance to point to Jesus.

We serve a Savior who was perfect so we don’t have to pretend we are. Instead, we can pray that God would use our experiences in the daily grind of life to show others His greatness. And why not even thank God for how He’s going to display His glory through people we’re trusting Him to bring to the faith?

5. For us to live in the hope of heaven.
No other religion can offer this sure hope to those who only see suffering ahead of them on earth. When my son cries, it seems like the world has been drained of all happiness. When I read the news, I often wish I hadn’t. The suffering is too much to imagine.

Whether the pain is slight or suffocating, God is always there, holding out the hope of eternity. It’s always within reach.

Nouwen reminds us that, “Prayer is a way of life which allows you to find a stillness in the midst of the world where you are open to God’s promises, and find hope for yourself, your neighbor, and your world” (p. 79).

Let’s ask God to guide us in that hope, so that we can delight in Him as we share it with others.

Considering the Lilies

Enjoying Jesus in the busyness of life and family

Motherhood