Fellow Soldiers

“If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.  Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.” (1 Corinthians 12:26-27)

I’ve often forgotten about my fellow soldiers when engaging in my battle with anxiety. I forget that Christ is OUR commander (Col. 1:18), and that I have a common bond with my brothers and sisters in Christ as we seek to live in obedience and enjoy His presence with us. We have the same hope (Eph. 4:4). 

An image the apostles Paul and Peter both use is being a stone in God’s temple, built on the foundation of Christ. (Eph. 2:19-22). But we aren’t inanimate stones. We are LIVING stones who are also priests or intercessors– for our children, unbelievers, and our siblings in Christ (1 Pet. 2:5)

And if those images weren’t intimate enough, Paul also calls believers a body (Col 1:18, 2:19, 3:15, Eph. 4:15-16, 1 Cor. 12). When my daughter dropped the broom on my toe, the pain made my whole body cry out. If my toe weren’t connected to my body, only my toe would feel the pain. But my toe also wouldn’t be any use. Here’s what the Lord has shown me through meditating on these passages:

-It’s my responsibility to ask my husband and friends to pray with me out loud and/or share verses that point me back to who God is when I am feeling anxious. (And if they’re not with you, you can tell them how to swipe up on the microphone icon on WhatsApp so they don’t have to constantly hold down the button to record a prayer for you.) 

-Participate in Sunday morning worship and commit to a weekly Bible study or small group. Ask the members of your group to help keep you accountable by asking how your anxiety has been. Volunteer the information if they don’t ask. Choose one person to check in with weekly.

-Pray and ask God for help in the presence of your children or others you live with. 

Which of these Scriptures will you jot down to memorize? What is one way you’re going to invite others into your battle? 

Next week, I’ll share how asking for help enables you to focus on others and minister to their needs. 

His Pastures

How do I do the good works God has prepared for me to do in this pandemic season? How do I know if I’m doing the right things, when others seem to be on such different adventures? My holy adventure right now is caring for my three children in the four walls of this home, which doesn’t seem like much of an adventure, or even a path leading somewhere. 

God gently helped me to think of my seasons as a pasture, with His sovereign care and protection and the principles from His Word being the fence. There’s not one path inside the fence, and He is the One who carries me into a different pasture when He wants to. I am safe to make choices in this pasture and laugh and enjoy the husband sheep and three little lambs in the pasture with me. 

Some sheep do lots of running and jumping in their pasture, and some do lots of drinking water and resting. He doesn’t love the active sheep more than the resting ones, and I don’t have to be afraid for sheep from other pastures to see my life in this pasture. 

Will you trust Him to fill you with His Spirit’s strength to do the things He’s called you to do in the pasture He has you in today? And that the rhythm of resting and working is beautiful to Him? 

I’ve had to repent of the lie that working is always more pleasing to Him than resting. I’ve had to repent of wanting to be in complete control of where my husband sheep and little lambs go in our pasture and what they do. And Jesus has given me the reminder of His role as my Good Shepherd leading me, interceding for me (whether I’m working or resting), and that He delights to give me the freedom to lay in the grass, looking up at the sky He made.

When Your Husband’s Desires Don’t Match Your Own

I recently pulled out the workbook Christopher and I used during our pre-marital counseling six years ago.

The section that caught my eye dealt with the ideas each of us had for our new life together.

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How would the housework be divided?

Who would pay the bills?

How many children did we want to have?

How would we discipline them?

How much time would we spend in the bedroom together?

While we laughed again about Christopher’s “the more the merrier” answer to how many children we would have (which wasn’t so funny when I thought he was serious), it made me realize how our desires are constantly changing and how dangerous it can be not to address them.

Sometimes I’ve felt frustrated with myself for having expectations at all, pushing them down along with my feelings.

Wouldn’t it be more loving to ignore a Saturday afternoon task that didn’t get done?

At other times, it’s sounded too exhausting to take the time to talk through them.

What if I couldn’t express my desires in a clear way?

What if he thought my ideas were ridiculous?

Sometimes I’ve wanted to force my husband to understand things from my perspective before making any effort to consider his own.

If only I felt like I was being heard, then I could be more loving and respectful when it was his turn.

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Jesus Love

But Jesus didn’t put qualifications on others. The Scripture doesn’t say, “Consider others better than yourselves if you feel like you’ve been listened to and appreciated.”

Jesus died for us when we were still stained by sin, ignoring the abundant life He longed to give.

Grace is only grace when it has nothing to do with our behavior and everything to do with accepting and extending His gift of mercy (Ephesians 2:8-9).

That’s the kind of communication He invites us into—gracious, loving, forgiving—all empowered by the Spirit.

Here are a few things that have helped me when conflict seems to build like a pressure cooker.

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  1. Tell Jesus how I’m feeling.

We have access to a friend who knows our inmost being, sympathizes with our weakness, showers us with grace, and has the power to help us change. Would we rather trade that for Facebook sympathy?

2. Listen.

Emotions can feel like cotton balls stuffed in our ears, preventing us from hearing what our husbands are really trying to express. But God’s Spirit has the power to hold us as we press our lips tight or ask questions that will prompt him into sharing. It might surprise us what things he values over getting dinner on the table on time.

3. Be honest about my struggle.

I’m amazed by the gracious response Christopher gives me when I admit to what I’m struggling with and confess the anger and resentment that I’ve allowed to grow.

And when I’m able to state my failed hopes in a non-hormone-charged way, it gives him a chance to process what I’m saying.

A few years ago, a counselor encouraged us to consider the trust we’d built up from resolving past disagreements as we allow ourselves to vulnerably share our feelings with each other.

4. Pray together.

Sometimes I ask Christopher to pray for me right in the moment if I begin to feel condemnation and lies running through my thoughts. Sometimes he suggests we pray together if the disagreement doesn’t seem like it can be easily resolved.

Because asking for wisdom is a request God delights to answer. (James 1:5)

So often I try to find a solution to our problems by relying on my own understanding, (even if I’ve just prayed for God’s wisdom), which is a kind of spiritual schizophrenia as Jen Wilkin said in her Biblestudy on James.

Something Christopher has said many times to encourage me is, “I’m on your side.” We are in this together as we fight against sin and selfish desires.

5. Evaluate the expectations I have for myself.

When I feel frustrated by how little I accomplished during the day, it’s easy to want to try to make up for it in the evening. I find myself going into squirrel-mode, grabbing as many acorns as I can and trying to make others around me do the same.

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“Here—take this acorn and put it in the dishwasher.”

“Put all your acorns back in your toybox this instant.”

“Did you call the guy about reimbursing our acorns yet?”

But sometimes, a few of my acorns need to be left strewn across the floor in favor of helping with my husband and son’s acorns.

Often, they are better at showing me how to love them than if I try to love them how I think they should be loved. (They’re also really good at loving and enjoying me without any thought to how many acorns they have to step around).

When we make the effort to work through conflict, we have the chance to catch glimpses of the perfect relationships we will have in Heaven in the Jesus-filled way they were meant to be.

Will you ask for the Spirit’s power, living in the hope of the gospel as you work through the messes of today?

He is ready to help.