How to Fill Your New Year’s Resolutions With Hope

December 30, 2016September 16, 2017 ~ alicia.ruth.yoder ~ 7 Comments

I wrote this article last year, but as I look forward to what God might have in 2017, I wanted to share it again.

I can’t even count the number of times growing up, whether it was public school or youth group that I was challenged to “make a difference in the world.” That I could be a part of seeing life-changing transformation in the lives of those I reached out to.

Fast forward a few years to my current life filled with laundry, meal preparations, and conversations about screwdrivers, milk, and pretending to jump in imaginary pools of water.

Surely if I could somehow get these responsibilities over with, I could get to the really important stuff, (followed up by letters of appreciation from people telling me how their lives are so much better because of me and God must surely be pleased with all the people I am impacting.)

At times, it’s easy to see my toddler as an obstacle to what I am trying to accomplish, rather than part of my purpose.

It feels like the Christian life should be separate from wiping the hairs off the bathroom sinks, paying the electric bill, and picking up another box of diapers from Walmart.

But most of the time, those tasks are exactly what my days consist of.

What happened to changing the world?

How do we have a vision while still holding our plans loosely (because little people aren’t as predictable as we might like them to be)?

How do we invite our families to be part of that vision, instead of imagining all that we could do if we had a break from them?

In Philippians 3, Paul lists his accomplishments and reasons he would look pretty important to the average Jew. But in verses 7-9, Paul says,

“But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ.What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christand be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith.”

In verse 14 he goes on to say, “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

What is Paul’s goal? It wasn’t changing the world (though God used Him to share His truth in many places).

His goal was knowing Jesus and living in the hope of the gospel for today and for eternity.

This goal was meant to be pursued as we go about our responsibilities, instead of getting our everyday tasks finished as quickly and efficiently as possible so we can get to the really important work.

Picking up toys for the hundredth time and organizing leftovers can be part of God’s work as we let His pleasure and presence give each task meaning.

Rachel Jankovic, in her book Fit to Burst, shares that “It does not matter what is on the table when the people around it aren’t at peace. It doesn’t matter how clean your house is when bitterness is growing in the hearts of your children.” (p.31)

Goals vs. Desires

So is it pointless to have dreams? Should we throw all our goals out the window?

It’s important to make a distinction between goals and desires. Goals can’t involve others’ behavior, because we don’t have control over that.

I can desire to get my closets organized, but if my son starts running a fever, or my husband has to work late, I can’t consider the unaccomplished task a failure.

On the other hand, if my goal is to invite Jesus and His joy and favor earned on my behalf into every task and interaction I have, I can keep working and fighting to reach it.

Rachel Jankovic shares that “[Our children] should see us setting realistic (but maybe difficult) goals, and working hard toward them. They should see us being visionaries who are anchored firmly in reality. . . They should see us laboring hard to make a beautiful life for them while not losing sight of the them in it.” (p. 31)

It’s exciting to be around people who are passionate about something. When my husband comes home telling me all about how he’s learning to use the incredible software that designs the metal parts at his company, it makes me smile.

When I have the chance to talk about the draft of my novel with someone, I can hardly choose whether to talk about plot, character, or the storylines I’m trying to weave together.

It’s good to want to make changes to be healthier in mind, body and spirit.

But when the snooze gets pushed too many times, or moments to write get sucked up by phone calls, or I end up dealing with a tantrum when he should have been napping, I can still be succeeding.

If my ultimate goal is to know Jesus and invite His gospel truth to fill my mind each day, the actual circumstances are only the avenue for accomplishing the goal.

John Piper, a pastor and teacher shared in one of his sermons that “God is always doing 10,000 things in your life, and you may be aware of three of them.”

Will you trust the God who shaped the universe and has all the power to accomplish His perfect plan (and let you be a part of it) as He leads you into the future?

Will you lay your desires for this next year in His hands?

Will you let your children see what it means to “press on toward the goal” in His grace?

How to Invite Your Children to Taste and See God’s Goodness

October 7, 2016September 16, 2017 ~ alicia.ruth.yoder ~ 10 Comments

As I was getting ready for bed one night, the fear appeared like a sudden thunderstorm.

What if my children grow up and choose not to follow Christ?

As the rain drops of doubts continued pouring over my face, I had to keep wiping the water out of my eyes to catch a glimpse of the light of Christ.

It made me realize that I was focusing on my abilities and performance as a mom, thinking that by it I could control a heart. If I just led them in the right Scripture memory, listened to the right songs, said the right prayers, talked about God enough, used the right curriculum, and trained in the right way, I could produce the faith my children need.

It’s almost as if I’d convinced myself that I was the one who made my own “desperately wicked” heart soft. (Jeremiah 17:9)

Mrs. Fix-It

When I see a problem or potential problem, I want to do everything in my power to fix it. Letting go of control leaves me feeling helpless. When my six-month-old daughter cries and I don’t know why, my neck and shoulders tense up, and my mind starts going crazy with all the possible reasons she might be unhappy.

My mentor encouraged me to invite Jesus’ peace into those times, even if I don’t have the mental capacity to pray more than, “Jesus, please help me. I invite your peace into this time of crying.” God has used those tears (mine and hers) to show me how good it is to depend on the One who is Sovereignly Dependable.

Gloria Furman, in her new book, The Mission of Motherhood, says, “Things that are part of our design—our need for others in community, our physical limitations, being embodied in an “earthly tent,” and our lack of knowledge—are not failures.. . If your neediness is simply because you are a human being (i.e., not omniscient, not omnipresent, not omnipotent, not God), then you have reason to rejoice.

“You see the love of the second person of the Trinity to inhabit the same earthly frame as the one you have.. . You see how your neediness points you to Christ’s sufficiency. You see the wisdom in God’s design to make you depend on him for everything you need…And you glory in his grace” (124-125).

The beauty of the gospel is that the Father is the One who draws our hearts, Jesus is the One who accomplished our redemption on the cross and continues to intercede for us, and the Spirit is the One who empowers us to live according to His Word.

When my focus is on treasuring Christ, longing to grow in my knowledge of Him and opening my broken, dependent self to the Spirit’s work in my life, it becomes less about methodology and more about inviting our children to taste and see that the Lord is good (Psalm 34:8).

Since my three-year-old son is currently obsessed with construction equipment, I can share with him about how much more powerful God is than excavators. And when he wants me to thank God for steamrollers, I can thank God for all the good equipment He gives to make our lives easier.

In an excellent panel discussion of moms about teaching our kids theology, one of the speakers emphasized that our kids’ understanding of God is both caught and taught.

Another mom shared that when we teach our kids about God, we aren’t offering them something different than what we learn—it’s the same truth cut into bite-size pieces or pureed.

Loving Him First

In Deuteronomy 6, Moses is reminding the Israelites of God’s commands.

“You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” (Deuteronomy 6:5-9 ESV)

The only way we can prepare and “puree” the truth for our children is if we are loving Him and studying His Word first.

I don’t know what pains or pleasures God is going to use in the story of my family. But I’ll never forget my theology class in college when the professor encouraged us, saying that though it may seem like someone will never look to the Lord, “Where there’s life, there’s hope.”

1 Peter 2:9 says that as believers we are part of a “royal priesthood.” Gloria Furman lifted my spirits when she reminded me that “Jesus is having mercy on your kids, for he put a priest in the next bedroom whose prayers ascend like incense before him as you boldly approach the throne of grace and plead for your children’s souls” (164).

As we trace the generation after generation of God’s redemption story, we can be comforted that God grows things, and He’s not in a hurry.

Father, thank you for the children you’ve placed in our lives. Would you show us how to surrender them to you, even as we intercede on their behalf? Would you grow us in our knowledge and love for you, so that we can truly invite others to taste and see that you are good? Thank you for Jesus.

When You Feel Like You’re Missing Out

Image ~ July 22, 2016September 16, 2017 ~ alicia.ruth.yoder ~ 5 Comments

I’ve heard it said that it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert at something.

I’m not sure how being a mother would be calculated if you factor in nap times, night times of being “on call,” and the fact that every time you turn around your children are at a different stage of life. (As if you could become an expert on unpredictable humans).

But if you took a skill like learning to play the cello, it would mean practicing for 40 hours a week every week for five years.

Trying to Do It All

A few weeks ago, Christopher and I strolled past ice cream and used book shops on our way to Touch of Italy for our anniversary, relishing our kid-free evening. We talked about the dreams we have, from publishing a novel to saving up for a powered paraglider (I’ll let you guess which one was Christopher’s).

It made me wonder how I would feel if none of our dreams happened–or if the pieces of success didn’t bring the fulfillment we thought they would.

If this life is all there is, we only have 80 years to squeeze everything in–if we’re lucky. Our bodies start breaking down, and we might regret not doing more when we had the chance.

As our children grow, we see them as fresh starts and try to live some of our dreams through them, running them from activity to activity in an effort to keep them from being “deprived.”

Or maybe surviving life with little people right now feels suffocating, the minute-by-minute responsibilities turning into weeks and months of setting aside other pursuits.

At times, I’ve fought the feeling that in some undefinable way, I’m missing out.

That if my circumstances were different, I could really be successful.

And then I’ve realized how prideful that is, choosing to live in discontentment rather than trusting God’s good care in the life I have now.

As believers, we don’t have to worry about missing out because Jesus gives hope in the present, marching all the way into eternity.

If we truly believe that we’ve been given the Holy Spirit “as a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance” (Eph. 1:14), and that we have a “new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. . . kept in heaven for you (1 Peter 1:3-4), this present life can always be enough because Jesus was and is enough for us.

We don’t have to prove that we are enough because Jesus’ blood-bought forgiveness and garment of righteousness has already covered us and will cover us until our souls step into resurrected, perfect bodies.

So what do we do with our desires now?

Christopher and I talked about starting a life list, dreams that we would give to God. We realized that the list could be as long and outrageous as we’d like, since we have eternity to finish it.

Death from this life would only mean that we can work at the other things on the list from resurrected bodies that have been made perfect. Because Jesus is coming back to create a New Earth, we will have the chance to keep learning, in a world that has been completely restored.

Just think how many things we will have the chance to become an expert in.

Time is Not Running Out

When we quit feeling that we have to get it all done now, it makes this life so much less stressful.

When we see our lives on this present earth as a tiny dot on the line of eternity, we can rest in the circumstances that our Sovereign and Good Father has us in, and enjoy the people He’s put in front of us.

Because He’s in charge and always will be, we have a sure hope.

Paul says in Romans 15:13, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

If we are choosing to look to the God of hope, joy and peace are benefits in the present as well as the future, whether it be our kid’s next milestone or our final destination.

My mentor reminded me that God gives us grace in the present, and we can’t always see what His grace will look like in the future.

Trusting that God is good, loving, and in control, takes effort (strengthened by the Holy Spirit’s power), but the alternative is trusting in myself and forfeiting the gifts of joy and peace He wants to fill us with.

Lifting Our Eyes

Maybe you feel like you’re making little impact on the world. . . look to the God of eternity.

Maybe your marriage doesn’t feel like you imagined it as a little girl. . . look to the God of eternity.

Maybe the cooked rice got thrown to the carpet, smashing down into a sticky mess. . . look to the God of eternity.

When our desire is for Him, He directs our other desires and goals for our life.

Jonathan Edwards put it beautifully:

“God is the highest good of the reasonable creature. The enjoyment of him is our proper; and is the only happiness with which our souls can be satisfied.

“To go to heaven, fully to enjoy God, is infinitely better than the most pleasant accommodations here. Better than fathers and mothers, husbands, wives, or children, or the company of any, or all earthly friends.

“These are but shadows; but the enjoyment of God is the substance.

“These are but scattered beams; but God is the sun.

“These are but streams; but God is the fountain.

“These are but drops, but God is the ocean.”
― Jonathan Edwards, The Works of Jonathan Edwards, Vol. 17: Sermons and Discourses, 1730-1733

The Father has accomplished our salvation and adopted us as His daughters, so we can live lives of gratitude instead of striving for the world’s perception of success, fame, or money.

And as the apostle Peter reminds us to love one another deeply, he also gives us the perspective we need:

“For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God. For,

“All people are like grass,
and all their glory is like the flowers of the field;
the grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the word of the Lord endures forever.” (1 Peter 1:23-25)

Will you surrender the seed of your life to wherever the Father wants to plant you for this season?

Will you invite Jesus into your desires as you let your thoughts be shaped by His enduring Word?

Who is the Father leading you to love deeply today as you look to the hope of eternity?

When a Newborn Joins the Family (A Letter To Myself)

Image ~ July 8, 2016September 16, 2017 ~ alicia.ruth.yoder ~ 2 Comments

Dear Alicia,

You now have three months of experience as a mother of two, and there are a few things I’d like to remind you about this newborn stage in case you happen to get big and pregnant again and don’t remember what it was like to welcome a new member to the family.

Most importantly, please know that it will get better.

She will start to cry less, and you will come to terms with the fact that your schedule and rhythm will never look like it once did.

Here are a few other things I’d like to encourage you with (numbered, since there is a good chance you are hormone-charged or sleep-deprived).

You can’t help the fact that your baby would rather be back inside the womb.

I’ve heard it referred to as the “fourth trimester,” when the baby just wishes she were back in the darkness, surrounded by warm fluid, and getting to listen to your heart beat. It’s not your fault that even when she is fed, changed, and burped, she is still unhappy.

It’s okay to try things to make her feel better, but then you need to quit feeling guilty if she’s still uncomfortable and just not enjoying having to sleep on her back. She’ll get used to life just like you are getting used to a new stage.

She’s never known what it’s like to be hungry or have air bubbles inside her tummy. The only way she can communicate her feelings–ranging from slight annoyance to pain–is through crying. She’s experiencing the first sensations of what it means to live in a broken world.

Just think what wonderful news you’ll be able to share with her in the coming years as her tears find meaning, purpose, and healing in the forgiveness of Jesus.

Life is going to be different, and you won’t be able to imagine how.

Over the past 2 ½ years, you’ve worked out different schedules with Isaiah–when to shower, read your Bible, and how to get household tasks done. But throwing a newborn into the mix will totally shake up the routine you’ve settled into.

Your previous way of life was not bad or good, it was just a different stage that you’ll never be able to return to. And this new life, with its unpredictability and having to divide your energies between two little people is exactly what God has called you to because He allowed them into your family in the first place.

Don’t worry about preparing yourself or trying to imagine how you’ll fit a newborn’s needs into your schedule. You won’t be able to. You’ll just have to find a new rhythm.

If you expect there to be unexpected circumstances to deal with (ex. Toddler pooping in the tub, clothes to rinse out from diaper blowouts, mysterious fussiness), you can see them not as interruptions, but as part of your schedule. It’s another way God is loosening your desire for control over your life.

There is no schedule.

You thought a few weeks in that if you got the right advice or kept perfect track of feedings and nap times, you’d be able to predict and conform Hosanna’s needs to your schedule. You saw her as a machine, thinking that if you’d punch in the right numbers, she would respond in a certain way.

You thought that if you only planned ahead well enough, you could avoid embarrassing situations like diaper explosions and finding a place to nurse in public.

Or when she didn’t nurse or sleep before you left to go to a restaurant or someone’s house, you imagined that when you got there, she would cry without taking a breath, and you’d have to endure helpful suggestions like, “Is she hungry?”

Sometimes if she was crying and you tried to nurse her, she screamed louder and pulled off, only to be doused by a spray of milk, (while everyone around was trying to ignore the all-out war going on under the nursing cover).

Unfortunately, worrying about it in advance won’t keep it from happening. On the other hand, she might sleep the entire evening because newborns are just that unpredictable.

Whether you get compliments on what a good baby she is, or whether you hide in a corner to avoid the pitying glances, Jesus is going to be with you, because His grace is always in the present.

You don’t have to imagine what it’s like raising eight kids because He gives grace for what He has entrusted to you.

On a practical note, once you’re three months in, there is still not much of a schedule. It’s more about being aware of the general times she’s eaten and slept and trying one or the other if she’s fussy. She might be awake for only a half hour or maybe two hours before she wants to sleep again.

And you won’t be able to fix everything with nursing. In fact, sometimes your letdown made Hosanna choke and get even more frustrated.

But it’s okay, because newborns are really bad at holding things against you.

Goals should be held lightly.

Everyone else who seems to be running around and getting a lot accomplished probably aren’t having their sleep interrupted every three hours at night. It makes a huge difference!

Your mentor Natalie had to remind you that during this stage, you should only have goals if you want to have goals, especially with your writing.

And do you really need to vacuum that often?

When Hosanna came along, jobs that had previously taken twice as long because of Isaiah’s toddler “help,” doubled again because her eating and sleeping-on-your-shoulder preference invaded every previously free block of time.

Try to think of getting your tasks done sometime during the week rather than sometime during the day, (or even sometime during the month).

Even your goal of getting in a nap won’t happen many times, (though it certainly doesn’t hurt anything to try), but it will be another reminder of your weakness and that Jesus wants to be strong in you.

In the fog of tiredness, you may be wondering if this is really how God is wanting you to spend your days. As Christopher had to remind you, you will never get it right all day every day, but that is exactly the point. Christ’s finished work on the cross accomplished everything needed to bring you into right standing before the Father.

He is inviting you to receive His love and rest as part of His perfect will for you.

You may not feel a whole lot of affection for your newborn, but it will grow.

Those first few days and weeks were filled with Hosanna’s lung-strengthening demands, without even the courtesy of eye contact.

When you are jolted out of sleep for the third time that night, remember that all that sacrificial giving isn’t a way to show you how strong you are but that Jesus is the only One who can keep loving through you.

It’s okay to cry when she does.

Soon you will begin to see the twitches of a smile when she meets your eyes. And though it won’t make everything better, it will help. She’ll start to enjoy watching the goings on outside the womb, and be entertained by the funny sounds that come out of her siblings.

Have more dates with your husband in the first three months.

It’s easy to let those first weeks be consumed with trying to keep your little people happy. You were scared to leave Hosanna with anyone because if she was fussy, you felt like it was somehow your fault.

When you went on an anniversary date with Christopher, the frozen breastmilk bags split down the sides as they thawed, and she refused to drink the formula you sent as back up. Your mother-in-law said that she cried, and it was okay.

It was fine.

When you live in community, people aren’t expecting you (or your children) to be perfect. They aren’t sitting around waiting for thank you notes for the meals they brought. They’re letting Jesus love through them and giving you even more reasons to lift up praises to Him.

Just take the risk, and be thankful for the family who are willing to watch your kids.

And when you’re with your husband, don’t worry about trying to make deep conversation happen. Just enjoy each other.

You probably won’t like the way your body looks.

Just as you need to fight against the thoughts that make you think your worth is determined by what you accomplish, you need to hold up that shield of faith in front of your new post-pregnancy body.

You bear the marks of carrying another of God’s image-bearers into the world.

It’s okay to share with God your disappointment, but ask Him to open your eyes to see more of His greatness, so that you can see yourself and others as He sees you—a redeemed, adopted daughter among many other beloved creations.

It’s okay to mourn the sacrifices.

You knew there would be lost sleep and crying, but when Hosanna actually came, you had to allow yourself to acknowledge the pain, so that you could bring your feelings to Jesus.

Of course someone else has it worse, but that doesn’t make giving up sleep, writing time, relaxation in the evenings, and quiet conversations with your husband unimportant.

When Isaiah was a newborn, you were able to get some good reading in while you nursed, but this time it’s been filled with conversations about the difference between an excavator and backhoe and what dinosaurs eat. (Or someone shouting “Mommy I need help!” from across the house.)

You also used to have a block of time each day to write, but now even your moments to yourself have had household details pulling at your attention and a tiredness that’s made your brain feel like part of it was slipping out the back of your head.

Allow yourself to mourn the ability to concentrate and the fact that your eyes get more tired looking at a screen.

Don’t fear that your writing will be permanently hindered because you can’t keep up with the quantity you were used to. God is not limited by your abilities. If He wants to keep using your writing, He will. What success are you really after anyway, if not to be led into the opportunities that God provides?

Your loving Father has so much more to teach you and so much more love for you to experience. Let your hope be in Him, Alicia, because that’s all that really matters.

Love,

Alicia

Why the Trinity is Essential to Motherhood

Image ~ May 20, 2016September 16, 2017 ~ alicia.ruth.yoder ~ 6 Comments

How do you think God views your role as a mother? With His arms crossed, thinking you need to do better at being patient and loving, not to mention get more vegetables into your toddler, keep the house picked up, and hold your baby more?

Do you think God gave you the family He did because He thought you could handle it, and when you don’t seem to be juggling it all so well, He is sitting back, rubbing His temples because you’ve let Him down again?

If we served a single-person God, these responses would be much more likely. His feelings toward us would be based on our performance. If we were expected to be a good parent in our own strength, we’d fail every time.

But that was never the plan.

An Eternity of Love

If a single-person God didn’t have anyone to love until humans came around, He couldn’t be eternally loving. . . because who would there be to love? Himself?

Glen Scrivener, in his article, “The Trinity Saved My Life” said, “You loved me before the foundation of the world” – that’s how Jesus describes eternity in John 17:24.

“Before there was anything, there was love. The Father, by the Spirit, has eternally poured His love onto and into His Son. In other words: “God is love” (1 John 4:8).

“God is this loving communion of Father, Son and Holy Spirit.”

So why would He bother with us, knowing that we’d choose evil and fail each day in loving others completely?

I often have the best intentions to treat Christopher with love when he comes home from work, but then petty annoyances and selfishness in wanting to be served slithers in, poisoning my time with my family.

Scrivener goes on to write about the Trinity that “this relationship is the explanation for everything else.

“Their love was too good to keep to themselves. From the overflow of their life together, the Father has created a world, through His Son and by His Spirit.

“We have been birthed out of love and destined to share in it.”

The Verdict Is In

So what does that mean for our nose-wiping, food coaxing, band-aid giving days (and nights)?

You will never get it right. And you don’t have to.

The love of the Father and Son flowed onto us when Jesus came to earth, lived a perfect life, paid for our sins by His death, and rose from the dead to daily intercede for us to the Father on our behalf.

The Father delights in us because we have been covered in the Son’s righteousness, and no amount of sin or failures can change that.

Mike Reeves, in his book Delighting in the Trinity, wrote, “This God makes no third party suffer to achieve atonement. The one who dies is the Lamb of God, the Son. And it means that nobody but God contributes to the work of salvation: the Father, Son and Spirit accomplish it all.”

Lifting Our Eyes

So when we think that we have to be more loving, have more faith, or trust more, we need to shift our focus.

I can’t force myself to become more loving. Love is a fruit of the Spirit, something that can only flow out of us when we’ve received the love the Father wants to lavish on us. .

We can’t squeeze our eyes shut and decide to have more faith (even if Hollywood would lead us to believe differently). That, too, is a gift to be received from our Father who longs to draw our hearts to Himself.

Even trusting God is not something that I can purpose to do any more than I can say I’m going to trust a friend—either I do or I don’t. Trust comes from being in a relationship. When we struggle to trust God, we can choose instead to meditate on the One who is trustworthy.

Salvation and grace aren’t perks thrown at us by a benevolent dictator God. They are part of enjoying the relationship we’ve been adopted into by a loving Father.

He is salvation.

He is grace.

Reeves goes on to say, “For it is only when you grasp what it means for God to be a Trinity that you really sense the beauty, the overflowing kindness, the heart-grabbing loveliness of God.”

Just imagine if we could begin each day (or wake up each night) remembering and delighting in our loving Father, salvation-giving Jesus, and empowering Spirit?

If, when the discouragement started seeping in because of the half-folded laundry and crumbs sticking to our bare feet, we reminded ourselves of the future hope of a perfect world with Jesus that each sunrise brings us closer to?

Teeth-gritting resolve will only bring failure when our strength is spent.

Why not use that energy to focus again on the One who delights in being our strength?

*If you’d like to hear more thoughts from Mike Reeves, you can check out his soul-filling book, Delighting in the Trinity or listen to his series of three audio talks on Enjoying the Trinity.

When Motherhood Feels Like Survival

Image ~ April 29, 2016September 16, 2017 ~ alicia.ruth.yoder ~ 10 Comments

Do you ever feel guilty when people do nice things for you?

Or start comparing yourself to all those who have a harder life or circumstance?

And then the next second, when you’re trying to get the screaming baby to latch on and your toddler is yelling for your help from across the house, wonder why you have to be needed (and touched) all day, every day?

These past newborn days have been filled with grace and kindness. Cards coming in the mail. People from church bringing meals. My parents staying with us and cooking food, doing fix-it projects in the house and yard, and letting 2 1/2 year old Isaiah follow them around and “help.”

There have been text messages to let me know people have been praying. Calls to ask if I need anything at the store.

In the daytime fog that comes from each REM sleep cycle being interrupted by a famished newborn, trying to compose thank you notes doesn’t seem to be enough.

But then when we’ve just turned out the lights to go to sleep and the fussing starts, the ungrateful and self-pitying thoughts come rolling in.

Why couldn’t she schedule her gassy discomfort an hour ago, when we weren’t so tired?

Why does everyone around me have to be so needy?

The one sure thing about newborns is that they’re unpredictable, just like most of my other circumstances (including the ones that I’m living under the illusion that I control).

I often waver between guilt over the blessing in my life and frustration over the unexpected inconveniences of an overcharged internet bill and a little voice whining for a brownie for the 37th time that day.

It doesn’t leave a whole lot of room for joy.

I let my circumstances justify or condemn my feelings instead of just saying, “Ok, emotion. Here you are. Let’s go talk to Jesus about it and go from there.”

It’s easy to let my emotions force a false perception of reality into my mind—that this stage will never end, that other mothers have figured out how to do this parenting thing wonderfully, and that my thoughts will always feel this disconnected and boring.

One gift in navigating the emotional newborn journey has been reading Gloria Furman’s book, Treasuring Christ When Your Hands Are Full: Gospel Meditations For Busy Moms.

She reminded me that every leaky diaper and temper tantrum happens under God’s sovereignty.

Every act of love and care points us to the greatest act of love: Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross so that we can be in relationship with God, adopted as His daughters, and heirs of the most glorious eternal life to come.

Gloria shares that, “In the context of eternity, where Christ is doing his work of reigning over the cosmos, we need to see our mundane moments for what they really are–worship. In the daily (and nightly) work of mothering, we’re given dozens of invitations to worship God as he reminds us of the hope we have because of the gospel.” p. 18

We are nurturing life in the face of death in our sinful, fallen world.

When we allow ourselves to appreciate people’s acts of kindness, no strings attached, we can also delight in the undeserved gifts of grace and spiritual blessings God wants to lavish on us simply because we are His.

And when our thoughts are covered in the truth of the gospel, we are free to invite his presence into every chopped onion, Thomas the Train book, and nighttime cry, no matter how many dishes are still left in the sink.

When we feel that we’ve done little else than keeping a couple kids alive that day, we can rest in His greatest accomplishment of our salvation and daily power over the universe.

Will you invite Jesus’ presence into each messy day?

Will you let His accomplishment be enough today?

Why Our Children (And Others) Need to See Us as a Work-In-Progress

Image ~ March 11, 2016September 16, 2017 ~ alicia.ruth.yoder ~ 3 Comments

“Please go to your room so Mommy can change your diaper.”

He looks at me and then hurries in the opposite direction. “Let me get my legos first. And bear. And. . .”

I hear plinking on the piano, which he happened to see on his quest for diaper-changing buddies.

It’s easy to get offended, “How dare he disobey his mother. His own mother!” rather than see the behavior as part of his sin nature.

It’s easy to get angry and respond in a demanding tone, rather than take the time to instruct and discipline. (Especially in his moments of desperation when he shouts, “No. I won’t,” to my face.)

And then I realize how often I do the same in my relationship with God. Sometimes, it’s a direct “no” when I sense His conviction. Often, it’s a fake obedience of excuses.

I know I need to give the worry and stress over my broken washing machine to God, but I just can’t let it go. I think I’ll feel better if I worry about it a little longer, talk to other people about how stressed it’s making me, and then I can surrender it to God and feel free to accept His peace…

But what if it was my fault that the washer broke? Maybe I’d better worry about it a while more, so I can feel as bad as I should…

Hiding From Grace

It’s hard to give grace to our children and others in our lives when we choose to ignore the root of sin buried deep in all of us, (or at least try to cover it up so that people will think we have it all together).

It’s easy to take on an I’m-your-mother-so-you’ll-do-what-I-say attitude or to be proud when I don’t fall into sins I see others commit…

And then a second later feel like a complete failure after responding in harshness and anger to my son in Food Lion and other people have the chance to judge me.

Sometimes the energy it takes to “bring our children up in the training and instruction of the Lord” feels too tiring to be worth it.

Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson in their book, Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids With the Love of Jesus, remind us to, “embrace your weakness and the difficulties of parenting because they are the means that the Lord will use to acquaint you with the realities of his gracious power.” (p. 155)

God never commanded us to be perfect parents. And He never asked us to pretend for our children or anyone else that we are.

For me, daily discipline often feels like I’m walking through a dark sewer tunnel, feeling my way around the slime as I make decisions and not always being sure that I’m going the right way.

Sometimes I’ve wished for specifics from God like, “This is the way he should be punished if he doesn’t obey by the count of three.”

Like following step-by-step directions on the back of a brownie box.

But then I realize how I’d still struggle with consistency, trying to find my worth in my ability to keep to the standards given.

In Give Them Grace, the author quotes author Paul Miller who wrote, “I came to realize that I did my best parenting by prayer. I began to speak less to the kids and more to God.” (p. 135)

Melissa Kruger, in her Biblestudy on Motherhood shares that, “When impatience, anger or discontent well up in our hearts, these are signs that we are mothering in our own strength. Rather than dealing only with our outward behavior, we need the Lord to renew and recharge our hearts. Just as a cell phone loses power and needs to be recharged, our souls find renewed energy only by abiding in Jesus.” (p. 33)

Beautiful Discipline

We have the gift of being parented by the perfect Parent. In Hebrews 12:10, the author reminds us that, “God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness.” The training God does in us produces a “harvest of righteousness.”

As we enjoy the benefits of sharing in God’s holiness and righteousness, we can invite our children into the peace of that as well, experiencing glimpses of life as it was created to be.

And when we feel like we’ll never get it right, Melissa reminds us in her Biblestudy chapter on “PMS—Perfect Mom Syndrome” that, “Any failure that I fear is covered by His sacrifice. In Jesus, the performance pendulum stops—both the pride of success and the despair of failure are absorbed by grace (p.208).

As we admit our mistakes and accept the forgiveness Christ has earned on our behalf, we can show our children their inability to obey perfectly, so that they too, can see their need for Jesus.

We can pray with our children for God to help us obey His commands, just as God has asked them to obey ours as His agents.

When we live our lives in a rhythm of grace—failing and accepting forgiveness, we are free to rest in His satisfaction and security, no matter who is watching.

Maybe observing our mistake is just what someone needs to learn what God wants to teach them.

Maybe our children need to see us vulnerably embracing God’s grace to know that they can do the same.

Will you allow your parenting insufficiencies and failures to guide you into a deeper dependence on Jesus?

Will you let Him use your mistakes as a way to point others to His glory and perfection?

How to Grab Onto Grace During Times of Transition

February 12, 2016September 16, 2017 ~ alicia.ruth.yoder ~ 6 Comments

Growing up, I used to approach the new school year with differing levels of apprehension and terror.

What if the teacher didn’t like me?

What if I forgot everything I’d learned the previous year? (I actually remember trying to practice some Math worksheets a few days before starting fifth grade.)

Before my wedding, I remember worrying that I wouldn’t figure out how to shop, plan, and cook meals each night.

Before Isaiah was born, I feared I wouldn’t know how to care for a baby, since I’d only had experience babysitting older kids, (which had been years earlier).

As I anticipate the birth of our daughter in a few weeks, it’s easy to try to picture what life will be like and to wonder how I’ll possibly have the strength and energy to care for a toddler and an infant.

When my free thoughts aren’t being attacked by those worries, my brain and/or hormones have wanted to convince me that this is the last chance to ever experience uninterrupted sleep, extended devotional times, and mental energy to write.

That I’d better enjoy it while I can, and pack as much into these last weeks of “freedom” as I’m able.

But the reality of transition is that it often doesn’t look like we imagined it would, no matter how much thinking or planning we do.

There are sacrifices that can be expected, but even those changes can be discouraging when we forget Who will be in the future with us, just as He is in the present.

Here are a few ideas that have been helpful, when I’ve needed something to replace stressful thoughts of anticipation:

Reflect on the past.

It’s easy to be so focused on my current circumstances or the unknowns of the future that I don’t take time to remember God’s faithfulness in past experiences. This isn’t the first transition I’ve gone through, and it won’t be the last, until I reach my final home with Jesus on the New Earth.

As we read God’s Word, tracing His redemption plan over the course of history, we can see a God who is unchanging in His goodness and sovereign care for His children.

We can also follow the pattern of our own history within that plan, how God drew us to Himself and has led us ever since.

Sometimes we can even see how He’s made us more like Himself through past difficulties. I’ve been able to look back on years of physical pain enhanced by unhealthy thought patterns (that led into depression), and see God’s gracious hand leading me into His freedom.

I love the quote by Martin Luther King Jr.

“I may not be the man I want to be; I may not be the man I ought to be; I may not be the man I could be; I may not be the man I truly can be; but praise God, I’m not the man I once was.”

2. Embrace the unknowns.

Living by faith brings us to a place of rest in the Father. The people of Israel were offered a way of life and fellowship with God, but didn’t combine their head knowledge with faith. (Hebrews 4:3)

Do I really believe that Jesus is the only One who can satisfy my deepest needs?

Faith also involves living in submission to the way God wants us to reflect Him. It opens our eyes to see the good works (and roles) He’s prepared for us, and allows us to trust in His strength and presence to guide us through each change. (Ephesians 2:10).

Faith gives us the ability to ask Jesus what He wants for us next while still being engaged in the life we have now.

And because He’s the One leading us, we are free to keep enjoying Him no matter how many minutes (or seconds) we get to spend in focused prayer and Bible reading before a little voice starts calling for milk.

3. Remember the stages.

My mentor Natalie recently reminded me, “One of the biggest discouragements in life is feeling like something will never end.”

After those first newborn weeks of interrupted rest, it felt like Isaiah would never sleep through the night, and that he’d only ever be able to communicate with me through crying.

Sometimes, I’ve needed someone to let me acknowledge the discomfort of the situation while pointing me ahead to the next stage. Remembering that I won’t have a newborn and a toddler forever gives me hope for a future time when I’ll be able to just grab my keys and leave the house.

And as I’ve thought about the limitations another baby will bring, I was embarrassed to realize I was spending more weeks worrying about caring for a newborn than the newborn stage would actually last.

Sometimes it feels like a change has been anticipated for so long that it will never come.

Like I will never be able to see my feet again or flip over in bed without executing a three-point turn.

But once again, these feelings can be a reminder of the patient character of God. As Melissa Kruger said in her Biblestudy on motherhood, “We can only bear the fruit of patience when we have something to be patient about.” (p.164)

When we look at the creation, fall, redemption, and restoration aspects of God’s rescue plan, spanning Genesis to Revelation, we can see that God is not in a hurry.

In 2 Peter 3:9, Peter says that “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”

When we anticipate a transition, we have the chance to be a part of reflecting that grace-filled redemptive patience as we wait with hope.

Will you surrender your worries to the One who would like nothing more than to take them from you?

Will you trust God “to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose” in your current stage of life? (Philippians 2:13)

Is there a transition you’re anticipating? I’d love to hear and pray for you.

4 Ways to Transform Your Thoughts

Image ~ January 15, 2016September 16, 2017 ~ alicia.ruth.yoder ~ 9 Comments

Becoming a mother has added more spice of unpredictability than I often think should go with the job description.

Desitin on the carpet.

200 wipes blanketed across his bedroom.

A box of elbow macaroni dumped on the kitchen floor.

Demands shouted.

Tears of defiance.

Acts of disobedience even during moments of discipline.

No matter what stage of life we are in, our circumstances can make us feel out of control, stupid and helpless.

For many years, I didn’t give much thought to what was going on inside my brain. I figured that if I acted in the right way, I should be fine.

After all, no one could read my mind, so how could I be hurting anyone if I kept my frustrations hidden?

But certain thoughts have a way of taking over, until there is no more room for optimism, hope, and especially not a life of joy.

Like an unsuccessful attempt to hold back a wave of nausea, our discouragement can spew from our lips in harsh tones, ungratefulness, and self-pity.

We forget that every day there is a battle raging inside our mind and heart.

Thoughts warped by sin versus thoughts transformed by God’s truth.

I used to allow thoughts to flow through my mind like a television channel of Spanish soap operas, not even bothering to look for the remote.

I ignored the power the Spirit longed to offer.

In 2 Corinthians 10:3-5, Paul says,

^“For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

We have access to power the world could only dream of.

When we let our thoughts enslave us, we are choosing not to acknowledge the freedom and righteousness offered because of the gospel.

We lose ground when we try to imitate the world’s answers—either gritting our teeth as we will ourselves to think positively or giving up and living for fleeting bursts of pleasure that we try to coax from our circumstances.

But Jesus invites us to let His Spirit do the sometimes painful work of grabbing onto His truth and fighting through the thoughts that want to pull us down.

Because as my mentor once asked me, “What would you lose by giving up on the battle?”

Here are a few thought patterns I’ve needed the Spirit’s help to capture and destroy with the sword of His truth.

Concerns about the future

My mind seems to hop so quickly from planning ahead to worrying about what it will look like. One moment I might be enjoying the cute baby girl clothes I’ve been given, and then next, I find myself fearing what life will be like when there’s a person to wear them and a toddler to continue needing me.

It’s been helpful to picture Jesus’s presence with me, caring for me in my future imaginings, instead of trying to figure out how I’ll have the strength to do it on my own.

Sometimes speaking the concerns out loud or imagining myself putting them in a basket to offer to God has given a sense of release. (1 Peter 5:7)

Feelings of inadequacy and unproductiveness

In the days when I know I was busy all day but can’t quite put my finger on what I actually accomplished, I need to invite Christ’s sufficiency to fill my mind.

Because of Jesus, the Father is completely satisfied with me. I am significant because I am His, not because I was able to cross off every item (or even one) from my to-do list.

Evaluating the past/decisions

It’s the conversation that plays over and over in my head as I’m trying to fall asleep. Did I say the wrong thing? Why did I feel so stupid around that person?

Did I spend my time on the right tasks today?

I need to remind myself that Jesus has paid for all my past mistakes, including the ones from that day. And sometimes, I need to just thank Him for loving me in my accident-prone humanness.

Responding in frustration to events happening in the present

It can be discouraging to clean up other people’s “messes,” in addition to dealing with all the unexpected sicknesses, difficult conversations, and car repairs. I often want to stew over my situation and vent to whoever is closest to me.

The world might try to fix it by telling us to “put on a happy face.” But feelings can bubble over quickly when only a forced smile is trying to hold it back.

It’s been helpful for me to practice saying little phrases as soon as something happens, ranging from “Uh-oh” to “I trust you, Jesus.”

He also invites us to pour out our struggles to Him in humility, as so many of the psalmists did.

Still Walking

Because we are still on the journey to sanctification, it’s not possible to cross out our unhealthy thoughts and let our minds simply be blissfully blank.

Paul encourages the Philippians by saying,

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” (4:8)

Here are a few ways I’ve found to invite the “excellent” thoughts in.

Find someone to speak truth into your life and give perspective.

Maybe I need to consider the person I typically vent to. Does this person point me to my need for Jesus and remembering the gospel? Can this person help me to step back from my situation and consider the other factors involved?

Give praise and thanks—all the time.

Author and mother Rachel Jankovic writes, “When you are thankful for the things that are right in front of you, getting in your way and messing up your hair, you are at peace with God’s will for your life. And of course when you are at peace with God and with His will for your life, you are equipped to do great things.” (Fit to Burst, p. 119)

If the Saturday of fix-it tasks ends worse than when we started, we can still give thanks and cry at the same time.

It’s a lot easier for me to give thanks when I do it out loud, so if I think of something while I’m cooking or driving, I just say it. (And an added bonus is that if my son is within earshot, he has the chance to join in my thanks.)

Put on each piece of the armor of God.

There have been times that praying through each piece of the armor of God (found in Ephesians 6:10-17) has given a structure to my “battle prayers,” inviting truth, righteousness, peace, faith, salvation, and the Word of God to cover each part of me. (Click here for a more detailed post on this.)

Cultivate an attitude of surrender.

God knows that our troubles don’t feel “light and momentary,” even if we feel ashamed for getting so bent out of shape over them. We have a high priest who sympathizes with us and is using our difficulties to prepare a future weight of glory (Click here for an incredible John Piper sermon on this topic).

When I open myself up to how God wants to use my circumstances, He can transform them in His infinite power and wisdom or bring us the peace to walk through them.

Will you fight today?

Jesus, we need Your Spirit’s power to live in Your freedom. Would You shape our minds to look more like Yours? Thank you for the life of joy you offer now and the sure hope of eternal enjoyment on your New Earth.

How to Fill Your New Year’s Resolutions With Hope

January 1, 2016September 16, 2017 ~ alicia.ruth.yoder ~ 10 Comments

Fast forward a few years to my current life filled with laundry, meal preparations, and conversations about screwdrivers, milk, and pretending to jump in imaginary pools of water.

At times, it’s easy to see my toddler as an obstacle to what I am trying to accomplish, rather than part of my purpose.

It feels like the Christian life should be separate from wiping the hairs off the bathroom sinks, paying the electric bill, and picking up another box of diapers from Walmart.

But most of the time, those tasks are exactly what my days consist of.

What happened to changing the world?

How do we have a vision while still holding our plans loosely (because little people aren’t as predictable as we might like them to be)?

How do we invite our families to be part of that vision, instead of imagining all that we could do if we had a break from them?

In Philippians 3, Paul lists his accomplishments and reasons he would look pretty important to the average Jew. But in verses 7-9, Paul says,

In verse 14 he goes on to say, “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

What is Paul’s goal? It wasn’t changing the world (though God used Him to share His truth in many places).

His goal was knowing Jesus and living in the hope of the gospel for today and for eternity.

Picking up toys for the hundredth time and organizing leftovers can be part of God’s work as we let His pleasure and presence give each task meaning.

Goals vs. Desires

So is it pointless to have dreams? Should we throw all our goals out the window?

It’s important to make a distinction between goals and desires. Goals can’t involve others’ behavior, because we don’t have control over that.

I can desire to get my closets organized, but if my son starts running a fever, or my husband has to work late, I can’t consider the unaccomplished task a failure.

On the other hand, if my goal is to invite Jesus and His joy and favor earned on my behalf into every task and interaction I have, I can keep working and fighting to reach it.

When I have the chance to talk about the draft of my novel with someone, I can hardly choose whether to talk about plot, character, or the storylines I’m trying to weave together.

It’s good to want to make changes to be healthier in mind, body and spirit.

But when the snooze gets pushed too many times, or moments to write get sucked up by phone calls, or I end up dealing with a tantrum when he should have been napping, I can still be succeeding.

If my ultimate goal is to know Jesus and invite His gospel truth to fill my mind each day, the actual circumstances are only the avenue for accomplishing the goal.

John Piper, a pastor and teacher shared in one of his sermons that “God is always doing 10,000 things in your life, and you may be aware of three of them.”

Will you trust the God who shaped the universe and has all the power to accomplish His perfect plan (and let you be a part of it) as He leads you into the future?

Will you lay your desires for this next year in His hands?

Will you let your children see what it means to “press on toward the goal” in His grace?

Considering the Lilies

Enjoying Jesus in the busyness of life and family

Motherhood

How to Fill Your New Year’s Resolutions With Hope

How to Invite Your Children to Taste and See God’s Goodness

When You Feel Like You’re Missing Out

When a Newborn Joins the Family (A Letter To Myself)

Why the Trinity is Essential to Motherhood

When Motherhood Feels Like Survival

Why Our Children (And Others) Need to See Us as a Work-In-Progress

How to Grab Onto Grace During Times of Transition

4 Ways to Transform Your Thoughts

How to Fill Your New Year’s Resolutions With Hope